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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25678141">By Night</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/lisedelorme/pseuds/lisedelorme'>lisedelorme</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Cardinal (TV 2017)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Cuddling, F/M, Fluff, Gunshot Wounds, Injury Recovery, Kissing, Masturbation, Smut</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 05:27:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>36,039</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25678141</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/lisedelorme/pseuds/lisedelorme</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Lise is injured during the shootout in the woods and Cardinal offers to aid in her recovery.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>John Cardinal &amp; Lise Delorme, John Cardinal/Lise Delorme</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>77</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>52</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Weight of the World</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In short, this is a different take on the shootout in the woods with Scott Riley from the finale. I maaayyy have tweaked a few things...enjoy!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They would have spent the night together in Toronto. She’s sure of it. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“<em>I don’t want you to leave</em>.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“<em>I know.</em>”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">She would have left her door wide open for him - a clear sign if ever there was one - and he would have followed her inside. He <em>would have,</em> if his phone hadn’t chimed in his pocket..</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">He palmed the outline of it, never taking his eyes off of her. Their chests continued to heave with the possibility of what the night could still hold for them; for their relationship, for their future. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">But nothing ever goes to voicemail when you’re a detective.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“Cardinal,” he answered, sharply</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">She studied his face while he nodded into the phone. His eyes flashed with adrenaline and determination and she knew then, with certainty that it was Dyson. That something had happened with their case. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“Yeah, we’re on our way.” he ended the call abruptly, and filled her in on the latest developments. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Scott Riley abducted Mina and Taj and Sheila Gagne had been found nearby, bound and gagged. Commanda siphoned every bit of information he could from her; past and present. Now they had to find Scott before it was too late. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">The two detectives packed up and hit the road, reaching Algonquin Bay in record time. Everything moved at warp speed after that. Once rough coordinates of the area had been given, the convoy - including their squad, Commanda’s and various other search &amp; rescue units - took off for the woods. The cloudy afternoon sky quickly verged into evening, blanketing their surroundings with a heavy wet snow and a creeping darkness both of which they couldn’t afford.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">-<em>ongoing hostage situation in the Agimac Forest</em></span>
  <em>
    <span class="s2">”</span>
  </em>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">The staticky voice of dispatch played in tandem with the blaring sirens above, creating an all too familiar background noise for the two detectives. It was comparable to people who live in the city and become so accustomed to the hustle and bustle around them, after a while it’s no longer noticeable. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">In the car, just the two of them, they were closed off from the rest of the world. Her head was in the game, there was no doubt about that, but her heart was too. She glanced over at Cardinal in the drivers seat and back down to their hands, realizing just how close they had gravitated towards one another. Like magnets drawn to their other half. She supposed they did that a lot in various other ways with the deep connection they shared; finishing each other’s thoughts, their physical instincts as partners out in the field.. but <em>this? </em>This was different. This was intimate.</span>
</p><p class="p3"><span class="s2">“-</span> <em><span class="s3">units are surrounding the area and securing exit routes.”</span></em></p><p class="p3"><span class="s2">She</span> <span class="s2">could feel his eyes flitting from the road to her, reading her expressions like a novel he was beyond captivated by. <em>She</em> couldn’t take her eyes off his fingers - his pinky, in particular, which was currently brushing, softly, against hers.</span></p><p class="p3"><span class="s2">“-</span> <em><span class="s3">EMS personnel on standby. Suspect is armed and dangerous.”</span></em></p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">So softly, in fact, it was as if the infinitesimal gesture would shatter the second either of them recognized it for what it was. Her eyes moved in the same manner; rising upwards towards his at a slow and precise pace. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“I</span>
  <span class="s3"><em>f suspect or hostages are sighted, alert dispatch. Do not approach-</em>“</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">The rapid beat of her heart was overwhelming and without a second thought, she laid her ring finger against his and let the warmth of their connection radiate throughout her body like an electrical current. The radio had gone silent, only muffled sirens remained. She lived in that quiet moment for as long as it would allow her to and just as quickly as it began, it ended.</span>
</p><hr/><p class="p3"><span class="s2">“Y</span><span class="s3">ou ready for this?”</span> <span class="s2">She had asked him, seconds before they entered the darkening woods. </span></p><p class="p3"><span class="s2">He took a beat, his eyes boring into hers. They had to leave their feelings where they stood and it was incredibly difficult for both of them to acknowledge that fact. They had no idea what they were walking into. For all they knew, this could be their last intimate moment together. She reached out instinctively, grabbing his gloved hand with hers and gave it a tight squeeze. He did the same. And then they let go, moving </span> <span class="s2">forwards, together, into the unknown as quickly as two pairs of snowshoes would allow.</span></p><hr/><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">‘The unknown’ ended up being a shoot out in the thickest area of the woods. An area with coordinates unbeknownst to the others and one that provided only thin tree trunks and snowy ridges to be used as barriers against Scott Riley’s continuous<span class="Apple-converted-space"> l</span>ethal assault. John had taken two to the vest, but that hadn’t stopped him from landing one in Scott’s right shoulder. After that, he waved her in the direction of Taj and Mina while he headed off their injured suspect. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">She found the father/daughter duo in similar states of hypothermia but the girl’s weight put her at a disadvantage and Lise immediately began disrobing, applying as many layers of clothing to the child as she possibly could. Including her vest.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">She couldn’t really remember much after that, other than a sharp sting in the very centre of her chest before everything went black.</span>
</p><hr/><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">One pierced lung, nicked scapula and two shattered ribs later, Lise lay in the ICU drifting in and out of consciousness. The first solid memory she had, may have been laced with a heavy dose of morphine, but was incredibly memorable nonetheless. Two familiar voices drifted softly across the room and she clung to them like a life raft.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“<em>Dad, this isn’t your fault. You’re punishing yourself for something that was completely out of your c-“</em></span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“<em>No- Kel, it was my job to keep what happened to her from happening in the first place. She’s my partner.”</em></span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“<em>She took off her vest!”</em></span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“<em>And I let him incapacitate me.”</em></span>
</p><p class="p3"><span class="s2">“<em>Dad. Please. </em></span> <em><span class="u"> <span class="s3">Please</span></span> <span class="s2"> don’t go down this road again</span><span class="s3">.”</span></em></p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s3">“</span>
  <em><span class="s2">Down what ro</span> <span class="s3">-“</span></em>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s3">“</span>
  <em><span class="s2">The one where you believe every single bad thing that’s ever happened to anyone, anywhere is your fault! And then you decide to avenge whatever ‘mistake’ you made with the next case and it happens all over again. Lise was trying to pull you </span> <span class="s3">out</span> <span class="s2"> of that cycle.”</span></em>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“<em>Honey, we need to be quiet. We’re not even supposed to be in here, the two of us, together.”</em></span>
</p><p class="p3"><span class="s2">“<em>Don’t change the subject. Lise was pulling you out and you know it. She was making you </em></span> <em> <span class="s3">better</span><span class="s2"><em>. She’s so good for you, why can’t you accept it?”</em></span></em></p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Silence. </span>
</p><p class="p3"><span class="s2">“<em>You think you don’t deserve love, but you <span class="u">do</span>, Dad. She does too. Don’t you see that if you</em></span> <em> <span class="s2"> hurt her, you hurt yourself?” </span> </em></p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“<em>Kel, I-</em>“</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s3">“<em>She could have died.”</em></span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s3">“<em>Thankfully that didn’t happen.”</em></span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s3">“<em>Think about the regrets you would have carried for the rest of your life; the weight of it on your shoulders, along with everything else you carry. She’s <span class="u">here</span>, she’s alive and you need to tell her before it’s too late.”</em></span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s3">“..<em>Tell her?”</em></span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s3">”<em>Dad. You’re in love with her. Accept this. Accept happiness. Please.” </em></span>
</p><p class="p3">Lise could hear the uptick of her heart rate filling the room with increasingly loud beeps. Feet shuffled frantically in the distance, growing nearer...the jostling of an IV bag...everything returned to darkness. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I’m going to be completely honest with you guys, I have no idea where I’m going with this..Okay I might have a few tiny ideas I’m going to play around with, see if they stick.. In the meantime, I hope this suffices! &lt;3 (I also hope you all are staying safe and healthy!)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. His Partner</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>We switch to John’s perspective in this chapter, revealing his thoughts and feelings of the night spent in the woods and the injury of his partner.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Cardinal told Kelly to go home and get some rest. There was no point in both of them sitting there, twiddling their thumbs. Plus, the nurse had given them shit for disturbing Lise and they felt terrible for it. Even in unconsciousness he was causing her unease. He quietly left her room, making sure the front desk had his cell number and knew to call him immediately if anything changed. He put extra emphasis on ‘<em>anything.’ </em>Dyson had already contacted Lise’s parents, filling them in on the events leading up to their daughter’s injury They were currently on a red eye to Toronto. Cardinal offered to pick them up and Dyson had relayed the message for him but they asked if he wouldn’t mind staying at the hospital, so Lise had someone nearby when she woke up. <em>He didn’t mind at all</em>. In fact, that had been his plan all along.</p><hr/><p>“<em>Fuck</em>!” He swore, loudly, kicking at the rickety vending machine in front of him.</p><p>The ancient thing had eaten up his last toonie, leaving him caffeine-less and even more irritable than before. Algonquin remained in the stone-age in regards to technology and their one and only hospital lacked severely in most areas. He leaned back against the hallway wall and scrubbed roughly at his face, scratching his overgrown beard. He needed a shower. <em>Badly.</em> He needed sleep more. His bruised ribs ached but he refused to acknowledge the pain. Not when his partner was lying in the ICU, her veins being pumped full of morphine.</p><p>He gazed down at his swollen knuckles, still stained red with a mixture of Scott and Lise’s blood. Looking back, it’s hard for him to comprehend how everyone made it out of those woods alive.</p><hr/><p>He can still hear the sound of the bullet piercing his partner with a slight <em>whump</em>. A loud mewl escaped her mouth, the impact literally knocking the life out of her. She slumped to the icy forest floor like dead weight. Time seemed to still. He heard a strangled cry. Her name, echoed throughout the woods, bouncing off of every tree trunk, sending a flock of birds into the inky night sky. <em>Was it his voice? It didn’t sound right</em>. He felt a fiery rage rattle every bone in his body. Egging him on, pushing him to the brink. It was then that he lunged at Scott, tackling him from behind, wrestling him onto his back.</p><p>Cardinal’s fist connected with his nose with a loud and satisfying <em>crunch</em>. He hit him again and again until Scott’s face was a bloody pulp but he wouldn’t stop. He <em>couldn’t</em>. This piece of shit was behind the torture and murder of innocent people. He couldn’t even do it himself. He sat back pulling the strings like a puppet master. Like the lives he stole weren’t even human beings, but props in a play, used to send a message. An elderly woman? A child? His partner? <em>No, fuck that</em>. His fist connected with the man’s face over and over until he felt himself being ripped away with an iron grip at his shoulders.</p><p>“John, stop! Cardinal stop, you’re gonna kill him! <em>STOP</em>!”</p><hr/><p>Why?, he thought, what was the point? He had nothing to lose.</p><p>
  <em>He had the blood of an officer on his hands. His wife unknowingly tipped off Kyle Corbett and that was on him. If he had- If he had just..</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He had Katie Pine’s blood on his hands. He could’ve found her. He should’ve kept looking. He gave up on her, following in the footsteps of everyone else. Except her mother. Now, Dorothy Pine was forced to live out every day of her life in agony, thinking about her daughter and all the ugly ways she’d been treated until her very last breath.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Catherine’s murder was his fault. There was no doubt about that. He never understood the way her mind worked. He hadn’t been patient enough. Maybe if he had taken the time to...maybe she wouldn’t have needed therapy. She wouldn’t have met the man who ended her life so abruptly. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>His partner, the one person who he had truly ever connected with- Lise. She trusted him. She put her life in his hands and now.. she was his- she was gone. He might as well have shot her himself.</em>
</p><p><em>He failed his daughter countless times-</em> <em>His daughter. <span class="u">Kelly</span>. Kelly, Kelly, Kelly. </em></p><p>He plays her name on repeat, grounding himself.</p><hr/><p>“You have to get Lise out!” Jerry shook him, roughly by the shoulders, “EMS can’t make their way in here fast enough. <em>John</em>. Go! Now!”</p><p><em>She was still alive? How was that possible?</em> Cardinal tripped through the snow, his lungs burning with every sharp inhale of the cool evening air. He fell to his knees at her side. She didn’t even have a jacket on, just the pale pink turtleneck she loved so much. She’d covered Taj and Mina with every article of clothing she could, without freezing to death herself. The father and daughter were conscious, so his partner became his main priority. <em>She would have been anyways</em>. He shed his jacket, wrapping her small body with the heat of his own.</p><p><em>Fuck, she was white as a ghost.</em> Her blood seeped through her shirt, spreading around her, framing her, like a bright crimson snow angel.</p><p>“Lise, come on! Don’t do this, stay with me!”</p><p>He scooped her up and flew through the forest as fast as he possibly could. The snow was wet and compacted and his snowshoes kept tripping him up, getting weighed down by it. He wanted to stop and apply pressure to the wound, he wanted to stop and check her pulse, but he couldn’t spare the time. All he could do was talk to her, try to get her to open her eyes and stay awake. It was useless. She was limp, like a small rag doll in his arms. Once he broke through the trees, hitting pavement, medics surrounded them, all speaking a mile a minute to one another. They ripped her from his arms, securing her safely to the stretcher. They asked him questions he didn’t have answers to. Before he could form a single word, they were loading her into the ambulance cab. Sirens blared and the vehicle raced off into the dead of night. He watched the red lights grow smaller and smaller until they disappeared entirely.</p><p>He stood there in shock, everything around him was blurry and noiseless. He was gasping for air. His lungs blazed as if they had been set on fire. Someone - he isn’t sure who - addresses him by name. He bends over, planting his hands on his knees for purchase and squeezes his eyes shut.</p><hr/><p>
  <em>She’s sitting in the patrol car, staking out the road in front of them when he shows up. She rolls down her window and he shakes the thermos of coffee in front of her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You didn’t have to do that.” she smiles, softly, taking it from him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Well...” he trails, “Couldn’t sleep.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Still adjusting to the new place?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Getting used to it. We waiting on our snowmobile thief?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her dimples are on full display now.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Wanna keep me company?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The way she tilts her head and looks at him like he’s the only person in the world that matters.. He can feel his face flush and for the first time in a while, his heart feels full. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He mirrors her smile, “Yeah.”</em>
</p><hr/><p>He might never get to see her like that again. So cheery and carefree. For all he knew she could be zipped up, in the cold cocoon of body bag right now. His eyes zeroed in on the stain his hands had left behind. Blood. Her blood. Scott’s too. His hands shook in front of his face. He could feel his entire body heave, the muscles of his stomach contracted and he bent over, vomiting into the snow.</p><hr/><p>“<em>What I, um- what I should’ve said, uh, earlier-“ he sighs, locking eyes with her, searching for the right words to explain why he reacted the way he did. </em></p><p>
  <em>“Do you want to come inside?” she offers, quietly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He’s taken aback at first. The invitation caught him off guard entirely. His eyes dart from her apartment, and then back to her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Yeah.” he nods </em>
</p><p>
  <em>They walk down the short path, her leading the way. She glances over her shoulder at him, a few times as if to double check that he’s still there. When they reach her doorway, neither of them make a move. She looks up at him with an unreadable expression on her face. He wants to peg it as a nervous sort of excitement. Maybe because that was exactly how he was feeling. She shoves the key into the lock, rushing to get inside and his heart races. She looks over at him again and all he can think about in that moment is leaning down and capturing her mouth with his. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Their phones ping, loudly in tandem and the moment ends before it even had a chance to begin.</em>
</p><hr/><p><em>Why the hell did she take her vest off?</em> It’s a rhetorical question, he asks himself. Obviously he knows why but it fills him with a type of pain he’s never experienced before. He doesn’t even know what to call it but he clenches his fist. His nails dig painfully into the flesh of his palm and his knuckles ache from the pressure. <em>How could she have been so reckless with her life? What about the people who care about her? Like her parents. He inhales shakily. “Like you”, his subconscious corrects. He can’t think about what would have happened if she-</em></p><p>“John!”</p><p>Jerry Commanda seemed to appear out of nowhere at his side with a solemn look upon his face.</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>Cardinal shakes his head, pulling himself out of the dark hole he’d been spiralling down.</p><p>“How’s she doing?”</p><p>“Better than last night.”</p><p>“I know you’re blaming yourself, brother, but you can’t-“</p><p>“I already got ‘the talk’ from my daughter.”</p><p>Jerry laughs but it’s empty and humourless.</p><p>“She’s a good kid. You raised her right.”</p><p>Cardinal nods, his eyes trained on his feet. He doesn’t feel like talking. Or accepting praise for his parenting skills. He had been anything but a present father in Kelly’s life, growing up. She practically raised herself, with him dedicating every minute of his spare time to work and her mother living day to day life in the mental health ward of the hospital. She <em>is</em> a good kid, but that’s no thanks to him. He came so close to causing her even more trauma last night, than one person should ever have to deal with in a lifetime.</p><p>“Listen,” Jerry coughed, regaining Cardinal’s attention, “I’m gonna take off, stay up at my cabin for a couple of days and decompress. Call me if you need anything, yeah? You know we take care of our own.”</p><p>He cuffs Cardinal lightly on the back and John nods again, awkwardly, “Thanks, Jerry. I appreciate it.”</p><p>“Lise did what she had to, to keep the girl alive, John. You would have done the same.”</p><p>Before Cardinal can say anything in rebuttal, the man is already halfway down the hall. <em>Yes, he would have done the same.</em> <em>So why does he feel so upset with his partner?</em></p><hr/><p>“<em>What happened... it wasn’t your fault. None of it’s been your fault.” </em></p><p>
  <em>“I dunno.. it’s just- it’s hard for me to think of it that way. Anyway, that was another life.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em> “But you can start a new one?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em> He’s not sure what to say. Does she mean with her? Could he? Could he leave the past in the past and start fresh with this beautiful, intelligent, kindhearted young woman at his side? Did he deserve such a thing when his wife lay buried beneath the earth? Lise walks slowly with her hands stuffed in her pockets, waiting for him to speak but he doesn’t. He can’t. His tongue is glued to the roof of his mouth. The silence grows thicker by the second, verging on uncomfortable. </em>
</p><p><em>“We should get back.” she murmurs, quietly, walking away from him</em> <em>.</em></p><hr/><p>He should have said something. He should have said <em>everything</em>.</p><hr/><p>“<em>You can’t blame yourself.” he offers, noting the way her eyes rise sharply to his, a flash of anger behind them.</em></p><p>
  <em> “Why not? You do.” she spits out </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He holds her gaze. What happened to his easy going, affable partner? She’d been replaced by this tiny ball of rage, all of it seeming to be directed at him. He wants to fix it. Whatever he did to make her feel this way, he wants to make it better. To right his wrongs. To stop causing her pain.</em>
</p><hr/><p>His phone pings in his pocket, dragging him back to reality. He fumbles for it, answering in a huff,</p><p>“Cardinal.”</p><p>“John Cardinal? You left your number at the front desk of the ICU? Your partner, Lise Delorme is awake and asking for y-“</p><p>He hangs up, already halfway to her room.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I don’t know why but this story is toying with my self esteem. I don’t feel like it’s well written and I never want to publish something crappy and leave someone feeling like “wtf was that?” at the end. I don’t know, let me know if it’s missing something or if anything feels off!!! Hopefully I can shake the doubt and keep going with this one.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Her Partner</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Lise wakes up and remembers a few things.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Lise’s eyes flutter open. She blinks furiously at the white walls and fluorescent lights crowding her vision. It takes awhile to adjust but when she’s able to, she takes inventory of the things around her. There‘s a steady beeping emitting from a monitor nearby. Glancing down, she registers an IV connected to her arm, sending an unknown liquid into her veins. Her fingers drift to her face where she can feel a breathing tube in her nose and as she trails further down, there’s another in her chest. Her head pounds as fear and uncertainty slowly begin overwhelming her psyche. <em>What the hell is all of this?</em> Carefully, she turns her head to the side, attempting to find something familiar she can hold onto but the room is empty. The beeping suddenly shifts from a steady rhythm to a hectic one, rapidly picking up pace. She squeezes her eyes, taking long controlled breaths through her nose.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“<em>Well, well, well - look who’s finally awake!”</em></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Lise winces at the loud, and <em>much</em> too perky voice. When she opens her eyes she’s greeted by a very pregnant woman in pink polka-dotted scrubs who has seemingly materialized at the side of her bed. She grins cheerily down at her patient and Lise manages a small, wary smile in return.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What’s happening? Where am I?” she hates how panicky her hoarse voice sounds</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh, hon you’re in Algonquin Bay Memorial! You don’t remember being shot?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The woman fusses with the wires tangled all around her, tidying up before getting to work on checking Lise’s vitals.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“<em>Shot</em>?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Shot. She was shot. It crashes over her then, like a tidal wave. The cold forest cloaked in darkness. Heavy, wet snow blanketing everything in sight. Bullets whizz by, using them as a target practice. <em>Them</em>. Scott Riley? Taj and Mina? No, not <em>them</em>. A sharp pain radiates in the center of her chest. Her name on a strangled cry. Her partner. <em>Them</em>. Every moment between them seems to flash before her eyes. </span>
</p>
<hr/><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> <em>They obviously don’t realize she can overhear their hushed tones. If they did, would she still be the topic of conversation?</em></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> <em>”You’re kidding. She just transferred.”</em> </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> <em>“Lucky her, she gets to learn from the best.”</em> </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1"> <em>Lise wanders closer, purposefully making her presence known.</em></span> <span class="s1"><em>She nods at Dyson then over at her new partner in recognition.</em></span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"><em> “I’m glad to be working on this with you.” </em> </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> <em>He remains tight-lipped but his eyes rove over her and she feels exposed, as if he can see every intimate detail of her life.</em></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> <em> He doesn’t look impressed. </em> </span>
</p>
<hr/><p class="p1">
  <em>She’s pissed off that Josh showed up to her workplace unannounced but it’s the kiss in front of Cardinal that irritates her the most and she isn’t entirely sure why..</em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“Uh- nice meeting you, John.” </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“And you.” Cardinal shakes Josh’s hand, reluctantly.</em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>She fumbles with the tie of her jacket, buying time for a moment alone with her partner. After Josh has carried on ahead, Cardinal gazes down at her in question, as if to say “Really? <span class="u">That</span> guy?” It should piss her off that he’s openly judging who she’s chosen to spend her time with. Instead, she finds a large part of herself agreeing with his assessment. She smirks, knowingly at him and the way he studies her, makes her feel something she hasn’t felt since she was a teenager; flirtatious. That light and airy feeling of knowing someone finds you attractive. Her cheeks burn. As she walks away, she can feel his eyes follow her all the way down the hall until she slips out the door. It makes her want to turn around. It makes her want to spend her free time with him instead. </em>
</p>
<hr/><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"><em>“You don’t back into this job, Delorme!” he shouts, “You don’t half-ass it until something better comes along. Maybe that worked in financial, maybe it works at home, but not here!”</em> </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> <em>Fuck him.</em> </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> <em>”Because your focus is one-hundred percent?”</em> </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> <em>He closes in on her until they’re mere inches away. Their eyes lock; judging, questioning, deciding what’s real and what’s fake. What does he know? What does she know? Who are they really, deep down inside?</em></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> <em>”Whatever you think you’re looking for, there’s nothing to find.”</em> </span>
</p>
<hr/><p class="p1">
  <em>She finally pulls back the veil on her investigation, revealing her part in exposing his supposed corruption. He knew before this moment but neither of them wanted to acknowledge it. Once they did, everything would change.</em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“So why are you telling me?” </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>”Because I want to understand.”</em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>”You won’t.”</em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>She’s emotional. All of the feelings she’d spent so much time keeping at bay begin building up; growing, tangling, evolving into something so much deeper than she could have ever imagined. </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“Tell me you didn’t know they’d leave explosives. Tell me you didn’t know an officer would die. Tell me <span class="u">that</span> much.” </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>He swallows, hard, looking defeated and full of sorrow. He’s giving up. “Sounds like you have your answers.”</em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>Her eyes well, silently pleading with him. She has to believe he’s the man she knows him to be. The man she’s grown to care for.</em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“Why?”</em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“Money.” he whispers</em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>She tries to process his reasoning. No, that can’t be why. He risked it all; his family, his job, his...humanity, all of it for..financial gain? How could she have been so blind? </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“Do what you have to do but let me tell Dorothy Pine that we caught the killer.”</em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>Tears stream down her face unapologetically, leaving damp trails in their wake. </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“I’m filing my report this afternoon. You have ‘til then.” </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>She swipes angrily at her cheeks, brushing past him. It feels as if a deep fissure has torn a ragged path down the center of her heart. </em>
</p>
<hr/><p class="p1">“<em>John? John! It’s okay. Look at me! It’s okay.” </em></p><p class="p1">
  <em>It wasn’t okay. It was miles away from okay. She frantically tears at the buttons of his shirt while simultaneously trying to hold pressure to the deep wound at his abdomen. She laces her fingers through his, pushing down with both of their hands, tamping the warm blood seeping from his body.</em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>His daughter cries quietly behind her.</em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“Call 911! Tell them an officer’s been shot!” </em>
</p><p class="p1"><em>He’s slipping away. She can feel him slipping</em> <em>away from her.</em></p><p class="p1">
  <em>”John! John? Stay with me. No, no- you can’t go anywhere. John!”</em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>She does the only thing she can think of; cradles the back of his head with one hand and continues holding pressure with the other as she leans down.</em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“I know the truth.” her lips brush against the shell of his ear, “I know what happened in Toronto. I figured it out, I know the whole story.” she squeezes his fingers, reassuringly “I know.”</em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>His breathing grows shallow and his eyes drift closed, peacefully.</em>
</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">
  <em>The next time she sees him, he’s propped up in a hospital bed, looking like shit. She carefully sets the bottle of whisky on a nearby tray.</em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>”What’s that for?, he croaks, “You saved my life.”</em>
</p>
<hr/><p class="p1">“You saved my life.” she whispers his words under her breath.</p><p class="p1">This time, <em>Cardinal </em>had saved<em> her </em>life<em>. </em></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This ended up being somewhat of a filler chapter, I knowww. And I’m sorry for that! It didn’t start out that way, I swear. It got ahead of me and I didn’t want one chapter to be like, 10000000 words long. The next chapter is halfway done though, so that’s something... I hope you all are staying safe and well and once again, thank you so so so much for all of the kind words and support. I read them many times and they make my heart smile❤️</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Update</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Just me...being me.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>This isn’t a chapter, just a note of sorts. As I’m writing, I’m realizing I don’t love the timeline I’ve created<em> at all.</em> Obviously I want to move from the hospital.. elsewhere...and with the extent of Lise’s injuries, realistically she would be hospitalized for a little while. I hope you guys don’t mind a bit of a time jump through her stay there. It would be mind-numbingly boring and I <em>hella</em> don’t want to study medical jargon. SO. With that being said, I hope it still feels genuine. I’m struggling, clearly, but at the same time, it’s pushing me and hopefully making me a better writer in the end. Or not. We’ll see😂 Thanks to those even reading this. Y’all are the real MVP’s.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Uncertainties</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Lise is reunited with her partner and anticipates the beginning of a long recovery. Some questions are answered...</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">When Lise woke for the third time, Cardinal was the first person she saw. He was sitting in a chair, beside her bed with his nose buried in a book; a sight she had grown accustomed to over the years. The man devoured books like they were running out of print. He even kept a few worn paperbacks in the console of their squad car for stakeouts. She called them his “In-Case-Of-Emergency Stories”, which he very much disliked. Lise would never admit it, but she loved to watch his lips move, ghosting over every word with a barely discernible whisper.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her limbs felt stiff and achy and she instinctively shifted her body to a more comfortable position, forgetting the severity of her injuries. A jolt of pain tore through her shoulder causing her to inhale sharply through clenched teeth, a strained whimper followed suit and he was at her side in seconds. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Should I press the call button?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Immediately his rough and raspy voice calmed her. The realization of just how much she’d missed his presence swiftly settled in. He didn’t look very much like her partner though. His face was wrought with tension; even more so than usual. He looked exhausted, with heavy, dark circles under his eyes. His hair was a mess, sticking up at all angles and she could tell he hadn’t trimmed his beard for at least a couple of days. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, I’m okay. Really.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He hovered, warily as if unsure what to do, but she nodded, reassuringly and motioned for him to sit.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How long have I been here?” she asked</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“A little over twenty-four hours.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And how long have <em>you</em> been here?” She could already guess his answer.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“A little over twenty-four hours.”</span>
</p><p class="p1"><em> <span class="s1">”John, </span> </em> <span class="s1">y</span><span class="s1">ou’ve been here the whole time?” </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He stared at her matter-of-factly, as if to say “Where else would I have been?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She tilted her head to the side, smiling softly at him.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Tell me what happened after I was shot? Are you okay? Did Scott hurt you? The nurses won’t tell me anything.“ she huffed</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He shook his head at her concern over everyone else when she was the one hooked up to so many tubes and machines, she looked like a science experiment.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I have a couple bruised ribs, it’s nothing.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her body noticeably relaxed.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Taj and Mina are fine.” he answered before she had a chance to ask, “Both suffered severe hypothermia but they’re being treated here too. They’ll make a full recovery, thanks to you. You saved their lives, Delorme.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She was quiet for a moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That may be true, but <em>you</em> saved <em>mine</em>.” In that moment, it took everything in her not to burst into tears.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">His ears waggled and he awkwardly scratched his eyebrow. He couldn’t accept praise or compliments to save his life.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well..” he trailed</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She pointed to his swollen, bruised knuckles and he chuckled to himself; the hollowness of it wasn’t lost on her.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll tell you later.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She reached for him anyways, but winced again as a searing pain spread throughout her chest. It was as if someone had taken a flamethrower to her insides. It blazed, spreading quickly throughout her shoulder, all the way down the length of her arm, which dropped, lifelessly back to the bed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Lise.” He chastised, frustratedly.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He shuffled closer, reluctantly offering up his hand to her for inspection. She brushed her fingertip along the rounded bones; purple and mottled with broken blood vessels. He inhaled shakily at her touch.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her eyes urged an explanation out of him and he finally caved. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“After Scott shot you, I tackled him. I didn’t have my gun, so I uh- I used my fists instead..a lot.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her eyebrows shot upwards in response. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He dropped his gaze in shame when he spoke next, “I lost it... I thought you were d- “ </span>
</p><p class="p1">A heavy pause hung in the air but neither of them acknowledged it and he continued, “I just lost it. I took it too far. Anyway, Jerry intervened. If he hadn’t, I’m not sure if...” his eyes found hers once more, looking as solemn as ever.</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t surprised. John Cardinal is anything but a violent man. Sure, he could get a little fired up during an interrogation or a difficult arrest but he never really...’lost it’.</span>
</p><p class="p2">He shook his head, mirroring her shock and confusion.</p><p class="p2">“I broke his nose and.. apparently shattered an orbital bone..”</p><p class="p2">She kept quiet, allowing him to continue.</p><p class="p2">“Dyson is...well, put it this way, she’s not happy with me. I’ve been suspended without pay-“</p><p class="p2">“Pending further investigation?” </p><p class="p2">“No. No, her hand was forced by the commissioner. They needed to make an example out of me. Although what I did deserves actual punishment. A severe punishment.” He muttered under his breath.</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“John..” she was lost for words</span>
</p><p class="p2">“It could have been a lot worse, Lise. They gave me slack since we were the ones to close this thing in the end. I fucked up.”</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Cardinal truly was his hardest critic and his own worst enemy. </span>
</p><p class="p2">She gently intertwined her fingers with his, and began drawing slow and soothing circles with her thumb. They held onto each other, seeking comfort in the one person who truly knew them best. The one person who saw them at their worst and stayed anyways.</p><p class="p2">“So how bad is it? I know I’ll need PT, I can feel it”</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He offered her a small and sympathetic smile before breaking the news, “The bullet hit your chest, upper left...shattered two ribs, pierced your lung and cracked your shoulder blade.” </span>
</p><p class="p2"><span class="s1">“</span><span class="s2"><em>Sacrament</em>.” </span> <span class="s1">She cursed under her breath.</span></p><p class="p2">Just then, a couple of friendly looking nurses came bustling in to check on her, and Cardinal awkwardly stood back against the wall, giving them space. They monitored her vitals, checked her bandages, and asked her to rate her pain on a scale of one to ten. She said seven when truthfully it was closer to a nine. They saw right through her, and proceeded to administer another heavy dose of morphine.</p><p class="p2">After the nurses took their leave, Cardinal quietly reclaimed his seat.</p><p class="p2">“I should probably tell you Dyson called your parents..”</p><p class="p2"><span class="s1">“</span><span class="s2"><em>What</em>!?</span> <span class="s1"><em>Why would she do that?”</em></span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Lise, you almost died.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She pushed her head back further into the cushy pillow, slamming her eyes shut. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to see her parents.. they just didn’t speak all that often. Both her mother and father were litigators and worked just about as much as she did, if not more. They had never been the most loving of parents and Lise worried that a part of her might always resent them for it. Growing up, she spent so much of her time alone. She never really felt like she fit in anywhere; not in school, not with friends or boyfriends, not even when she worked in financial. Her co-workers moved around her as if she were invisible and truthfully, she had no desire to spend her free time with any of them. Josh filled an empty space in her heart for a little while but looking back on it now, it was more like putting a bandaid on a bullet hole.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> When she started investigating Cardinal, she felt it. The thing that was missing. She had no idea then what it was. She did now.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Suddenly she felt very tired. A bone deep kind of exhaustion. She wanted to tell her partner something before she succumbed to the pain meds.</span>
</p><p class="p2">“<em>Merci</em>.” she murmured, eyes shining with raw emotion</p><p class="p2">“What for?” he asked, gently</p><p class="p2">“<em>You know what for.</em>”</p><p class="p2">Their thumbs circled one another’s, around and around...he touched her so reverently. Somehow the rough pad of his finger rubbing against her nail felt more intimate than anything she’d ever experience. And there it was; that <em>thing</em>; that thing she’d been missing for most of her life. Her eyelids began to flutter, growing heavier by the second.</p><p class="p2">“Get some sleep, Lise.” He rasped, quietly</p><p class="p2">As she drifted off again, he brought their joined hands to his lips, pressing a soft kiss against her knuckles and even as she toed the line between consciousness and unconsciousness, she smiled at the sensation of his scratchy beard against her skin.</p><p class="p2">“I’ll be here when you wake up.” He promised.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope this wasn't *too* terrible!🙏🏼 And if it was, TELL ME. Any feedback helps, even the stuff that’s hard to hear. Also, the next chapter will be up very soon...I’m using writing as a coping mechanism right now, if you couldn’t tell. So it’s kind of pathetic how quickly I’m updating at this point. It might also be the reason why the quality isn’t the greatest!!!!! Love to all❤️</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Plans</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Lise’s recovery continues to progress...<br/>Yes, we’re still in the hospital...No, we won’t be here forever.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">For the next twenty-four hours, Lise would drift in and out of consciousness. Once, while she lay there, looking up at the ceiling, something in particular began to slowly tug at the far corners of her memory. Although, truthfully, she had been having trouble deciphering what was real from the wild dreams her pain medication seemed to produce. Her new erratic sleeping schedule didn’t help. It was just...<em>Had Kelly been in the room? With her father? They were speaking in hushed tones...about her?</em> Whatever it was, it felt important. It felt like something she needed to remember. </span>
</p>
<hr/><p class="p1"><span class="s1">The one thing that would stand out in her mind, looking back on those difficult days, was that Cardinal had been in the room with her almost every time she woke. Sometimes he sat next to her, reading; his glasses resting on the tip of his nose. Other times he sat across the room, pencil in hand, sketching furiously into a notepad.</span> <span class="s1"> He hardly slept and she wanted to tell him to go home, to spend time with his daughter and take care of himself. But a much larger part of her selfishly, wanted him right where he was. His presence comforted her. Before her injury, they normally spent most days together. Out in the field, in the car, at autopsies, across from one another at their desks...<em>almost in a hotel room..</em>why not in a hospital room?</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her parents only ended up staying for a few days. As they all said their goodbye’s, Cardinal shook her father’s hand and Lise promised to keep them updated over the phone. When it was just her, her mom and her partner left, her mother looked between the two of them,</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Quand vas-tu coucher avec cet homme?”</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“Maman, arr</span> <span class="s1">ête!”</span></p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Cardinal noticed Lise flush a deep crimson, her cheeks were the color of ripe cherries</span> <span class="s1"> in the summertime.</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He raised his eyebrows at her.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She shook her head vehemently in response. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wasn’t about to tell her partner that her mother was curious as to why they hadn’t slept together yet..</span>
</p><p class="p1">Lise knew her parents would be here one day and gone the next. It was who they were. It was why she never would have called them in the first place. They made excuses, giving her long winded explanations about why it was ‘imperative’ they return home for a certain trial that apparently ‘couldn’t go on without them’. It was always the same. But the way they lingered helplessly around her hospital room irritated her to no end. She wasn’t sad to say ‘<em>Adieu</em>’. </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She had other visitors; her co-workers and Dyson. Cardinal never stuck around when she showed up. The two were clearly still at odds with one another. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But there was one unexpected visitor, who became a regular and her presence brought a certain airiness to the incredibly dull ICU floor; Kelly Cardinal. She never expected anything of Lise and maybe that was why their newfound relationship fell into place so easily. She didn’t try to coax anything out of Lise or coddle her, fussing about with blankets and wires. She was just...<em>there</em>. She would sit cross-legged on the couch by the window, working on her homework, or listen to music with her headphones on. Most of the time, they just kept each other company in a similar kind of comfortable silence that Lise shared with the other Cardinal of the family. Best of all, she never made Lise feel guilty for falling asleep in the middle of a conversation.. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">One rainy afternoon, Kelly had popped by unexpectedly and immediately Lise’s radar went off. She was much quieter than usual and the expression on her face was one Lise had seen numerous times before on her father’s. She waved Kelly over, patting the empty space next to her on the bed. She didn’t hesitate, sitting down as gently as she possibly could, wary of hurting Lise, and made herself comfortable. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“C’mon, tell me.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That was all it took for Kelly to readily open up about everything that had been bothering her; mainly a disagreement she’d had with her teacher over an assignment. As Lise listened attentively, she realized that Cardinal’s daughter had unwittingly ignited a maternal sort of instinct deep inside of her. She felt protective of the girl. The idea of someone disciplining her unnecessarily, upsetting her, making her doubt herself... even just seeing her eyes shimmer the way they did now made Lise want to punch her teacher in the throat.. She wondered if this was what it was like to be a parent. To worry constantly about the world dimming your child’s light, like the moon eclipsing the sun. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Once, Kelly had even mentioned her mother and Lise had to hide her shock. She never imagined Kelly would want to open up about that part of her life with her father’s partner. But she did. She told Lise about her parents marriage and how difficult it was for them to still feel like a family once Catherine no longer lived with them. She talked about how helpless her and her father felt, never knowing when the next shoe would drop. But most of all, Kelly seemed to feel cheated out of a relationship she never even really had a chance to have in the first place. Lise was deeply touched that the girl felt safe enough to be so vulnerable with her. She also felt as if she‘d invaded Cardinal’s privacy somehow, knowing these personal things about him without his knowledge or permission.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>Lise was playing solitaire on her phone and Cardinal was devouring the last few pages of the paperback he’d started an hour ago - <em>How</em>? - When a few nurses popped their heads in,</p><p>”How’re you doing, kiddo?” </p><p>Lise smiled, recognizing her friendly nurse, Teddy. Lise gauged him to be, maybe, six-or-so years older than her partner. His cheery disposition made him a well-liked man around the hospital.</p><p>So of course Cardinal didn’t like him.<br/>
<br/>
“I’m feeling better.”</p><p>”That’s what I was hoping to hear!” He clapped his hands excitedly.</p><p>Lise could see Cardinal rolling his eyes behind him and she bit her lip to keep from smirking.</p><p>”What do you think? Want to get out of bed today?”</p><p>Lise nodded, exuberantly.</p><p>The male nurse came to stand at the edge of her bed. “You’re still half woman, half machine right now, so we’re going to take this nice and slow.”</p><p>”I’m ready.”</p><p>“What I’m going to do now, is raise your bed, so you’re in a sitting position and if anything hurts, <em>anything</em> at all, you say ‘stop’, okay?”</p><p>She nodded again, “Okay.”</p><p>As the back of the bed shifted her torso upright, Cardinal gravitated closer. She followed him with her eyes. One of the other nurses moved her blankets to the side and out of the way. When Lise was upright, she returned her full attention to Teddy.</p><p>”We’re going to turn you, so your legs hang off the edge of the bed, okay? Still keeping everything slow and steady!”</p><p>All three nurses helped to shift her body; back, legs and waist. Half a minute later, she was exactly where she needed to be. The pain was evident but somewhat manageable, or so she thought, until they all gently let her go and Lise soon realized she no longer had any support behind her. She panicked. Her ribs ached already.</p><p>Teddy reached for her, “What hurts?”</p><p>“It’s fine, I’m fine.” she held her hand up, in protest, “Just adjusting.” Her voice had grown shaky.</p><p>”We can stop if-“</p><p>”<em>I just need a second</em>.”</p><p>The trio of nurses gave her space and Lise squeezed her eyes shut, breathing in through her nose and out through her mouth. She could hear Cardinal’s voice nearby,</p><p>“Can we have the room?”</p><p>“We really shouldn’t-“</p><p>”I’ve got her.”</p><p>“We’ll be outside when you’re-.” </p><p>The door shut abruptly.</p><p>Everything hurt and her mind raced. <em>What if this was her life now? Barely able to sit up without having a panic attack? She would never work again. Never have the li-</em></p><p>His rough and steady hands found hers and she gripped onto him like a vice. </p><p>“Breathe.”</p><p>“John, I- I can’t”</p><p>Tears slid down her cheeks, one after the other and she kept her eyes shut, tightly. Her breathing continued to grow more erratic by the second.</p><p>He tugged her hand flush to his chest, holding it there so she could feel the rhythm of his breathing. </p><p>In that moment, it was all she had. <span class="u"><em>He</em></span> was all she had.</p><p><em>Where were her parents? Friends? Family?</em> <em>No one ever stayed</em>.</p><p>She breathed with him; one-two-three, in, one-two-three, out. Everything was blurry when she opened her eyes again but he pushed a Kleenex into her hand so she could wipe away the tears. Once dried, her eyes found his. He didn’t speak, he just shuffled one step closer so she could lean against him; rest her head against his chest without her having to move forward, straining her body. The smell of his cologne mingled with deodorant and peppermint gum enveloped her and she relaxed against him. Her partner stayed.</p><p>“Fucking Teddy.” She heard Cardinal mutter against her hair.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Edit: Was having worries about this story and where it’s headed but a lovely fellow writer - and now friend, in my eyes - has helped me to see things from a more positive place. I’m so new to all of this and you guys are with me through each little hurdle and road bump, so thank you for your patience and encouragements!</p><p>(Also, obviously some things aren’t canon.. but just as a side note: Kelly isn’t the exact age as she is in the final season. In this fic, she hasn’t graduated HS yet. The Cardinal house is still their main residence. No empty, sad apartment!)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Au Revoir!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Lise continues to grow stronger, conversations are had, memories surface, emotions heighten and like, probably a bunch of other stuff. Read to find out!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Throughout the next week, Lise continued to improve. Her chest and breathing tube remained but her IV and catheter were gone. She was sleeping less and able to eat full meals. She still needed help getting out of bed, but once she was on her feet, she could walk around the room without holding onto anything or anyone. Not having to rely on someone to walk her to the bathroom was another win in her eyes. However, they had weaned her off of the heavy pain medication and she was having a difficult time adjusting to the discomfort.</p><p>Kelly left for a brief vacation with a few friends, up to a ski resort a few hours away from Algonquin. Lise missed their daily chats and her room suddenly felt quite dull without her cheery presence. Kelly made her father promise - multiple times, to call daily with updates on Lise’s condition. Cardinal taught Lise a new card game, which gave her something to do and they played a few rounds almost every afternoon, sometimes long into the evening if he kept losing.. The two of them were equally competitive, which made it even more entertaining. Her partner did his best not to hover or overstay his welcome. He was putting a lot of time into the preparations for his cabin. The cabin that once was just a dream and now was finally becoming a reality. He showed her the blueprints he had been working on for months and she was more than impressed.</p><p>“It’s beautiful.” She murmured, tracing the circumference of each room with her index finger.</p><p>She noticed that he’d drawn his bedroom facing the lake. Her imagination began running wild. She pictured Cardinal, tangled up in the bed sheets, wearing only his boxer’s, fast asleep. Standing in front of the large picture window, she watched the sun rise, a coffee mug in hand. Her reflection in the glass, showed her wearing his oversized t-shirt and her hair was a curly mess from the previous evening spent making lo-</p><p>She cleared her throat loudly, her cheeks had grown hot and the pulsing ache at the apex of her thighs had her crossing her legs, uncomfortably under the blankets. </p><p>“Would you mind grabbing me some juice from the cafeteria?” Her voice grew an octave higher and he <em>definitely</em> noticed. </p><p>“Yeah.” His eyebrows bunched together in a frown, but he left without questioning her strange behaviour.</p><p><em>What the hell was wrong with her? </em>She drew her focus elsewhere and stared down at the sketch pad still in her hands. Oddly enough her eyes began to well up with unshed tears; a reaction she hadn’t anticipated whatsoever. What she saw so clearly in her mind was the life she wanted. <em>Badly</em>. Cardinal’s dream may be the cabin itself, but hers was sharing it with him. Did she want the job in Toronto? Of course, but if it meant losing everything she’d built in Algonquin Bay, it didn’t matter. None of it mattered without <em>them</em>. Cardinal and his daughter had become <em>her</em> family but that didn’t necessarily mean they felt the same. Maybe they even felt sorry for her..</p><p>“They only had oran- what’s wrong?” </p><p>He had loped back into the room, without her even registering his heavy footsteps and now he was standing there with a bottle of water in one hand and a straw in the other, looking at her with such genuine concern her heart actually ached. She tried her best to blink away the tears but was unsuccessful and a few trickled down her cheek.</p><p>“Nothing,” she dabbed at the damp trails with the palm of her hand and forced a smile, “Just a bit of pain.” She <em>was</em> in pain, but not from her injuries.</p><p>He frowned, clearly seeing right through her lies, but once again, he didn’t push. He sat back down in the chair next to her bed, popped the straw into the open water bottle and gently pressed it into her hand. Their fingers just barely brushed and one lingering tear escaped the corner of her eye.</p>
<hr/><p>Something about the blueprints had upset her and he couldn’t for the life of him figure out  what. Lise was a strong woman, in every sense of the word and throughout her recovery thus far, Cardinal had yet to see her cry like that. Of course there were moments when she had seemed more emotional than usual, probably due to the heavy pain medication. And there were times when her doctors and nurses pushed her body too far, like the day she had suffered that panic attack, but the way she looked when he returned from the cafeteria...It did something to him, in the pit of his stomach seeing her look so...hollow. He felt an odd sense of aggression. A fierce need to fix whatever made her feel that way. It reminded him of the time she had shown up to work with a black eye..</p><p>
  <em>She quietly brushed past him at his desk and sat down at hers. She didn’t bother saying ‘hi’ or even taking off her jacket; she just went straight to work, scribbling up a report of some kind. She wore her hair down that day, which was extremely unusual and with her head bowed, it perfectly curtained her face, hiding her from the rest of the world.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>What the hell is going on? He thought. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Lise, do you still have that form? I need to pass it along to the DA’s this afterno-“</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dyson had caught her attention, and when her head shot up he almost gasped - like the comical, over exaggerated kind in cartoons. Showcased for all to see, was a deep purple bruise spanning half her cheekbone, spreading up and around her eye, the white of it no longer white, but pooled in red from a broken blood vessel.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Christ, Delorme.” Dyson whispered - Cardinal’s thoughts exactly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“It’s nothing. Some young prick caught me off guard in the parking lot outside my place last night. He tried to take my bag, got a good hit in, so did I and then he took off. I already filed a report.”</em>
</p><p><em>She said it so nonchalantly, as if it happened all the time. Cardinal’s fist clenched under his desk. Later, he had looked up her report, reading the description of the guy. He had no idea what he was even looking for or why, he just wanted to put a face to the dumbfuck who thought he could take on his partner, alone in the dead of night. The man who literally marked her with violence. Every time he glanced across his desk at Lise, he felt his blood boil. </em><em>She put on a face for everyone, acting like she was fine but he could tell she was rattled. It was the way her foot tapped rapidly against the floor. The way she flinched at any loud sound behind her. He</em> <em>imagined all the ways he would have dealt with the situation if he’d been there himself.<br/>
</em></p><p>
  <em>When they left work that day, he offered her a ride home without elaborating why, even though they both knew. She nodded her head and was quiet the whole way until he pulled into her parking space.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>”I’m okay.” she murmured </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I know.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She got out and he idled until he saw her door shut. He drove her home the rest of the week and then that week turned into a couple of weeks and now, they always carpooled to work and back together. He knew she could handle herself. He wasn’t trying to be her “protector”. The attack may have rattled Lise for the following few days but for Cardinal, it was more than that. He didn’t dig deeper into those feelings. He didn’t want to uncover <span class="u">why</span> it was so much more than that. His wife had still been alive then.</em>
</p><p>But <em>this</em> was different. It wasn’t a bruise that would heal in a couple of days and there was no man in the shadows he could scare off. He wanted to reach over and brush that last lingering tear from her cheek, but they just didn’t do those things. She wasn’t his- he was just her partner. Her friend. </p><p>“<em>Hey, sweetie. How’s the weather up there?”</em></p><p>
  <em>“Cold!”</em>
</p><p>He chuckled into the phone.</p><p>
  <em>“How’s Lise doing? She had a bit of light PT this afternoon, right?”</em>
</p><p>It thoroughly pleased Cardinal that his daughter and his partner had grown so close over the past few weeks. Kelly no longer had a mother figure in her life and even though Lise was close enough in age to be her older sister, he knew that neither of them saw their relationship in that way. Lise never pushed or tried to be anything other than a friend to Kelly but he’d seen how his daughter lit up every time she sat cross legged at the foot of Lise’s bed, chatting about boys - <em>a</em> <em>conversation he never stuck around for</em> - and her goals for the future, her fears and doubts and Lise handled each and every question or dilemma with ease. He knew those were the things his daughter would have gone to Catherine about. But the truth was, even if Catherine were still alive, Kelly would never have been able to have those kinds of conversations with her. </p><p>“<em>She’s doing really well, hon.”</em><br/>
<br/>
<em>“What’s wrong? You sound odd.”</em></p><p>
  <em>“I’m fine, Kel. You worry too much.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m not hanging up until you tell me.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>God, she was so much like her mother sometimes, it made him choke up.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“It’s not a big deal. Lise just..seemed a little off the other day.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“How so?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I don’t know.. I showed her my blueprints and then uh- she wanted juice so I left and when I came back.. It’s probably nothing, she just seemed a bit sad.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“In what way?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Kel-”</em>
</p><p>Silence<em>.</em></p><p>
  <em>“She- I guess it looked like she had been crying.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What? Why was she crying?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I have no idea.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Well, did you ask her?”</em>
</p><p>He didn’t answer. There was no point.</p><p>
  <em>“Did you at least comfort her?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Kelly, can we do this later? I still have to grab groceries and shovel the walk..”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“We talked about this the night she was shot, Dad.”</em>
</p><p>Kelly’s voice grew smaller, the way it had when she was a little girl and something upset her. Cardinal felt like shit for making her feel bad. He seemed to have that effect on all of the women in his life.</p><p>
  <em>“I know, sweetie. I’m sorry. It’s just- it’s difficult..”</em>
</p><p>She sighed.</p><p>Cardinal could hear her friends calling for her in the background so he let her go.</p><p>“<em>I’ll see you on Tuesday, Dad. I love you.”</em></p><p>
  <em>“Me too. Be safe.”</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>As far as Lise’s doctors were concerned, it had been a successful week. She walked the hallway on her own and that had been a major milestone for her. They removed the breathing tube not long after that and while it had been difficult and painful at first, she could now breathe comfortably on her own. With the stitches removed that afternoon, the only thing that remained was getting her chest tube taken out.</p><p>Now that she was on the cusp of being discharged, her anxiety seemed to grow with each passing day. Having a live-in nurse would be more difficult for her than the hurdles of PT. Lise hated feeling like a burden to anyone and knowing that a stranger would be seeing her during her most vulnerable moments made her feel sick to her stomach. It didn’t help that Kelly and Cardinal hadn’t visited for a couple of days.. During their absence, her doctor decided it was time to remove the chest tube. The bulk of her initial recovery was finally complete.</p><p>So why did she feel so sad? Getting discharged was supposed to be a positive step in the right direction but it felt more like ten steps back.</p><p>Cardinal knocked on the open door of Lise’s room and she smiled, softly at the sight of him. He looked so fresh and well rested. He’d had his hair cut shorter and his beard was properly shaped and trimmed. He wore a heavy black bomber and dark jeans with an overnight bag slung over his shoulder. Her heart skipped a beat.</p><p>“I heard they were springing you today.”</p><p>“I hope you didn’t get all spiffed up on my account.” she smirked</p><p>He looked happier than he had in a while and Lise worried that maybe her presence was the reason he felt so tired and withered. After a couple of days away from her, he looked like a Gap model..</p><p>“I brought a bag in case you needed something to pack your things in.” He held it up and she pointed to the table near the window, where he set it down.</p><p>“You didn’t have to do that.”</p><p>He shrugged.</p><p>“Where’s Kelly?”</p><p>“She’s in the car.”</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>Cardinal saw her face fall with disappointment and he sat down in the chair next to her bed - the one he had claimed in the early days of Lise’s hospital stay.</p><p>“So uh- I wanted to ask you if..” he scratched nervously at his beard and she studied him, waiting patiently.</p><p>“I don’t want you to feel forced.. it’s your call- I just wondered if you wanted to stay with me- well, with us- Kelly and I.”</p><p>He chewed at his lip and Lise’s eyes were drawn to his mouth.</p><p>“St- stay with you?”</p><p>“While you recover, I mean. I’m still suspended so uh - I could help. If you wanted me to....help.”</p><p>Her heart pounded against the cage of her mending ribs.</p><p>“That’s a lot to put on you, John.”</p><p>“It’s not.”</p><p>His eyes held hers, and she could read his sincerity.</p><p>Her chest rose and fell quickly and she noticed his was doing the same.</p><p>Before she had a chance to respond, one of her nurses breezed through the doorway, clipboard in hand and the two of them jumped as if they’d been caught making out under the bleachers. She tore her eyes from his and greeted the woman she’d grown used to seeing on a daily basis.</p><p>“Today’s the day, hon!” <br/>
<br/>
Lise gave her a small smile in return, still reeling from moments ago.</p><p>“Now, before I get you to sign these discharge papers, I wanted to go over a few things first. You have someone you’re staying with, correct?”</p><p>Lise found Cardinal’s eyes again, and he nodded at her. <em>Let me do this for you.</em> She felt like leaning over and kissing him right then and there. She knew eventually she would have to work out her feelings; acknowledge them and confront them for what they were. They couldn’t go on like this forever. But right now she had other things to focus on.</p><p>She turned back to the woman in scrubs, “I’m staying with my partner.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>We’re finally out of the hospital, y’all! </p><p>I felt a lot more confident about this chapter and I attribute that to aeryn_sun. Everyone loves a good pep talk and she served up a GOOD one for yours truly. I hope you enjoy! Feedback is always welcome 🙏🏼</p><p>Also, I know I’ve been changing perspectives with each chapter but I may throw in ones similar to this, where we get both sides. I hope that reads okay?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. A Good Reason</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>An inside look as to where Cardinal and Kelly were, in the days leading up to Lise’s discharge date.<br/>(TW: suicide)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Cardinal had a good reason for not visiting Lise during her last days at the hospital. He hoped she would understand.</span>
</p><hr/><p class="p1"><span class="s1">When Kelly arrived home Tuesday evening, she wanted to talk; despite the fact that talking wasn’t something Cardinal had ever excelled at. He just.. never felt a real need to. Not unless it was something that mattered. Too often people opened their mouths without thinking, paying the consequences for it one way or another.</span> <span class="s1"> And maybe his lack of communication was to blame for his nonexistent social circle, but he didn’t mind all that much. Thinking back, he hadn’t always been this way, and he wasn’t quite sure when or why it changed. Part of him believed it had a lot to do with his career. He’s dealt with more death and despair than most, and although that was something he signed up for, talking to the families...having to describe the way their children or parents or spouses were murdered? That was enough talking for him for a while.</span></p><p class="p1"><span class="s1"> Catherine always wanted him to open up and communicate more and it had always been a touchy </span> <span class="s1">subject in their marriage. Once, when they were still living in Toronto, she had asked him to go to a therapy session with her and he had agreed; reluctantly. He vowed to try it for his wife and the sake of their marriage, but the whole thing felt..unnatural. Being forced to speak about intimate issues with a total stranger just wasn’t for him. Kelly rarely got after him for it. She shared some of his subdued tendencies - not a lot, mind you but enough to understand. They cohabitated comfortably together. </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But Kelly wanted to have a conversation now and like he did with his wife, he agreed to sit down and talk. If this was what she was asking of him, he would do it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So they sat down together at the kitchen table and slowly eased into the heavier topics. She spoke in depth about Catherine; how she regretted ever feeling upset with her mother because of her illness. She admitted that some days when she was younger, she wished she had a ‘normal mom’ like everyone else and that was why she never asked friends to come over. Cardinal let her continue without interrupting but he was more than shocked by some of things his daughter was revealing to him. She said that she had nightmares of coming home from school and finding her mother hanging in a tree out in the yard, or finding her on the floor surrounded by pill bottles and vomit.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Cardinal felt sick to his stomach. He had no idea about any of this and the fact that he didn’t, made him feel even worse. How could he have been so blind? His daughter had been suffering with severe anxiety and PTSD without either of her parents knowing; white knuckling it on her own. Catherine was hospitalized so often and had mental health issues of her own, so really, the blame lay on Cardinal and Cardinal alone.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> He could have broken down right then and there at the kitchen table. He felt like dropping his head in his hands and sobbing until he felt empty and emotionless but he wasn’t about to further traumatize his child.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He studied the young woman across from him—the strength and passion and intelligence that had held her together thus far. But under the surface, he could still see his little girl. The one swaddled in a fuzzy pink blanket, cradled in his arms as he rocked her around the delivery room. The little girl whose first words were “please” and “why?”. The little girl who loved to stand on his feet, and squeal as he walked them around the house. The little girl who cried on her first day of kindergarten because he couldn’t go in with her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">No matter how old she was, she would always be that little girl to him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">His eyes shone but he remained strong. She deserved that much of him; security she’d been deprived of for so long. Besides, Cardinal only ever succumbed to those kind of emotions in private.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m so proud of you, Kel. I hope you know that.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They stood and he held his arms wide open for her. She snuggled right in, burying her face in the crook of his shoulder and he gently cradled her head against him. They stayed there, like that; mute in the silence of the house, nothing but the quiet hum of the refrigerator in the background.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Cardinal had thought that was the end of the conversation but Kelly quickly steered it in the direction he knew they would eventually end up at, sooner or later; Lise. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I want to talk about Lise.”</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Cardinal sighed, </span> <span class="s1">“Can I get a drink first?” </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She rolled her eyes, thinking he was joking but he was dead serious. He had a feeling he would need a little liquid courage to delve into this subject with his daughter. After pouring himself two fingers of whiskey, he returned to his seat at the table and mentally prepared  himself for the onslaught of personal questions.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And why do you want to talk about Lise?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Dad, don’t be dense.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> <em>God, she could be so much like her mother sometimes, it made him shiver.</em> </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is she your friend?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> <em>Ahh, he could see where this was going.</em> </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s2">”Just</span> <span class="s1"> your friend?”</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“When did that change?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Kelly, I was never unfaithful to yo-“</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Dad, I know that. That’s not what I meant. When did you know you wanted more?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> <em>He would rather crawl under a rock than have this conversation.</em> </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t.. there wasn’t an exact moment I knew, Kel. There have been.. a lot of moments.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How do you think she feels?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> <em>He has absolutely no idea. They never talk about these things.</em> </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“She’s taking the job in Toronto.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He took a generous sip of the amber liquid, feeling it burn all the way down his throat and settling warmly in his belly.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Kelly was silent for a moment and he prayed she was done interrogating him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think we should ask her to stay with us while she recovers..”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> <em>Little did his daughter know, Cardinal had already been mulling that very idea over in his mind for the past month. </em> </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why do you think we should?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We’re all she has. We’re her <em>family</em>.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is that how you see it?”</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“Dad, that’s how it </span> <em> <span class="s2">is.</span></em><span class="s1"> Who else has been there for her? </span></p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“There have.. been..other people. Kular, McCleod and Dyson. Even Jerry showed up last week. And her parents were there for... a couple of days… “ Even as he trailed off, he knew how it sounded and he wondered how </span> <span class="s2">long it had been that way. <em>Did she feel lonely?</em> </span></p><p class="p1"><span class="s2">“</span> <span class="s1">They’re not <em>her</em> people</span> <span class="s2">.”</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He sighed, rubbing his face and beard roughly, feeling more exhausted than he had in a long time. As he ran his fingers through his messy hair, he noted the greasiness of it and realized how badly he needed a shower. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You need a haircut”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He laughed, “I’m aware, Kel.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ask her to stay with us, Dad. She’s always been in your corner. Especially after Mom- you have to be in her corner now.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He nodded, not needing to give it another thought. <em>Of course she should stay with them</em>.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The guest room is a mess..all of my workout junk is still in there and the Christmas decorations..”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, we could spend the day tomorrow clearing it out? Make sure that she can safely move around. And while you’re out getting your haircut,” she smirked, “I can get a few new things for the room.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Alright, I’m getting the gist that I’m not looking my finest right now.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’ve been having a hard time. You haven’t been looking after yourself enough through all of this. Don’t forget that you were in that forest too.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1">He won’t ever forget that night.</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“When did you grow up and how do I make it stop?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She grinned, proudly. Cardinal loved seeing his daughter so happy. If anyone deserved happiness, it was her.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We don’t even know if she’ll say yes, Kel.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“She’ll say yes.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So they spent Wednesday cleaning up; not just the guest bedroom but the whole house. It had been a while since either of them had busted out the vacuum.. Thursday, Kelly went shopping - with his bank card - and he got himself looking human again.</span>
</p><hr/><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Cardinal’s stomach was in knots. He wasn’t as sure as his daughter, that his partner would say yes. Maybe she wanted to heal on her own without the two of them hovering.. He stood in the threshold of her room for a moment, watching her play a game on her phone. Her nose was scrunched, something she only ever did when she was deeply focused. It was one of his favorite things about his partner. Along with her accent. The way she pronounced words like ‘together’ as “togedder”.. even in the beginning of their relationship when he tried not to like her, the accent got him every time. He knocked quietly on the open door and she glanced up from her game, immediately finding his eyes. When she smiled softly at him, he realized just how much he had missed her. No one ever looked that happy to see him. It also wasn’t lost on him that he felt this strongly after only a few days of being away from her..</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I heard they were springing you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I hope you didn’t get all spiffed up on my account.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He smirked, pleased that she had noticed the small changes to his appearance.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Where’s Kelly?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“In the car, downstairs.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He noticed her face fall with disappointment. After coming to sit next to her, and bumbling through his invitation, he waited on pins and needles for her response. He could feel himself breathing heavier the longer her eyes were trained on him and he couldn’t slow his heart from racing with anticipation.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And then the nurse walked in. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2"><em>Of course she did.</em> If it wasn’t Josh cockblocking him, it was work and if it wasn’t work it was the hospital staff. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s2">He really wanted to be alone with her. </span> </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This was really just a filler chapter because I wanted a bit of background on why Cardinal and Kelly weren’t there for a couple of days and I also really wanted a serious conversation between father and daughter... it was written on the fly so I’m sorry for the quality! I was feeling crappy and wanted to write :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. New Digs</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Out of the frying pan and into the fire! Lise gets a small taste of her life to come, outside of the hospital..</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Smoking was a habit Lise had never been proud of, but the reality was, it helped with the stress of her job and she secretly liked the excuse it gave her for a brief moment alone. The appeal of smoking was something you could never really describe to someone who had never tried it before. It wasn’t just the little buzz after your first puff;it was the act of holding the cigarette between your fingers, the inhaling, the brief pause and then the exhaling. Before her injuries, Lise really had no intention of quitting. </span>
</p><hr/><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The first few days after the night in the woods, Lise had been so drugged up, not a single thing mattered. Aliens could have descended from an unknown planet and she would have been entirely oblivious. But around her sixth day in hospital, it began to hit her. She was jonesing, and she refused to let anyone around her in on it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was easier to keep her mind occupied with the company of her partner and his daughter, or the never ending searing pain in her chest, but it always returned. Sometimes she imagined hijacking a wheelchair, racing through the hallways and fleeing the building to find the nearest smoking area outside. In reality she couldn’t even sit up, so it remained a pipe dream. She felt cranky and on edge at all times and felt terrible about it. She knew Cardinal was privy to her predicament, despite the fact that he pretended not to be. He worked alongside her every day and knew her schedule well. Whenever she would rise from her desk, grab her jacket and head outside he would shoot her a disapproving look. He openly hated the habit and would often snatch a cigarette from her fingers whenever the opportunity arose. It sort of became their ‘thing’.Both faked annoyance but secretly liked the playful act. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">One day as she lay in her hospital bed, staring up at the ceiling, chewing her lip in agitation, Cardinal knocked at her door. She was selfishly happy to see his face despite how tired he looked. <em>Clearly he wasn’t sleeping well either.</em> He loped across her room, coming to sit in ‘his’ spot and waved a packet in the air at her. Lise genuinely thought it was a condom at first and blanched. He didn’t say a word, as he peeled at the packaging. He glanced up at her, reaffirming their trust in one another and gently stuck the clear square to her bare arm. Only then did she realize is was a nicotine patch. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Your doctor said it was okay.” He spoke quietly. It was hard to feel anxious in his presence when his hoarse voice comforted her the way it did.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She couldn’t explain the emotions intermingling deep in the pit of her stomach. As small as it may be, no one had ever made a gesture quite as thoughtful and genuine in her entire life. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe it was the side effects from her medication or maybe it was the unacknowledged feelings she kept stuffing to the very back corners of her mind, but in that moment she came incredibly close to bursting into tears. Cardinal carefully diverted his attention, pulling a worn paperback from the inside of his jacket pocket and casually leaned back in his chair to read. </span>
</p><hr/><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">When the nurse pushed her wheelchair through the automatic double doors of the hospital’s entrance and out into the drafty  parking area, the wafting smell of nicotine from a smoker nearby, immediately weasled it’s way into her system and the cravings hit her like a freight train. She bit her lip and did her best to push aside the nagging thoughts. She wondered if and when she would ever return to her longtime habit. Thinking back to the nicotine patch, she doubted it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Cardinal helped Lise out of the chair and into the front seat of his SUV as carefully as he possibly could, only ever touching her as if she were made of porcelain. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">The whole thing felt a bit awkward to Lise. Being a “patient”... needing help... needing her </span> <em><span class="s2">partner’s</span></em> <span class="s1"> help. Even the drive back to his house felt strange. She couldn’t pinpoint why exactly, since she rode beside him practically every day at work. But they weren’t working  and his daughter was in the backseat and it all felt so.. <em>domestic</em>. </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The two women talked briefly, agreeing that it would be best if Kelly stopped by Lise’s apartment later that day to grab her some things. Lise almost sighed in relief at Kelly’s offer. She had been mulling over the whole ‘clothes/toiletries dilemma’ before being discharged and one thing was for sure - she wasn’t about to ask Cardinal to grab her underwear and tampons. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Though she silently prayed to god her vibrator was well hidden in her nightstand drawer... </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">An hour and a half later, Lise was settled in the guest bedroom. Kelly couldn’t stop gushing about how fun it had been to redecorate and Cardinal’s gaze had dropped to his feet as he awkwardly scratched his beard. Lise had to admit, the bedroom was beautiful. Cardinal’s <em>whole house</em> was beautiful. All of the exposed oak and earthy tones.. it suited his personality and style perfectly. The bedroom was very much the same but with a more feminine touch. The bedding was a light beige with outlines of tree branches down the centre of it, the shades of the lamps on either side of the bed matched. There was a big, double paned window on the right wall, looking out into the wooded area of their property. It even smelled good, like fresh laundry and lavender. Lise couldn’t believe the two went to such trouble just for her. It was another beautifully kind gesture she mentally added to the ever growing list. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Lise sat gingerly at the foot of ‘her’ new bed when Kelly abruptly clapped her hands.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well! I’m off to grab your things, Lise and I’ll pick up some groceries on my way back, Dad. Maybe we could cook Lise a proper dinner instead of that hospital junk.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Before Lise could protest, Kelly kissed her father on the cheek and gave Lise a shy, <em>conspiring (?</em>) smile before taking her leave. Seconds after the front door slammed shut, behind her, Cardinal and Lise glanced up anxiously at one another. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">They were now in ‘<em>her</em>’ bedroom of </span> <span class="s2"><em>his</em></span> <span class="s1"> house.<span class="Apple-converted-space">  <em>Alone</em>. </span><em>Together</em>. </span></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I swear I intend to write longer chapters but that also means there won’t be daily updates sooo I’m not sure what’s better or worse. Either way, happy Sunday! I hope this makes the Eve of Monday less daunting, somehow.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Under the Same Roof</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Are we finally unlocking a new level of Cardelorme here? I guess you’ll have to find out for yourself....</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The moment Cardinal pulled out of the hospital parking lot, things felt weird. Their vibe was off. Maybe it was the fact that his daughter was with them but he didn’t think that was true. Lise had spent a lot of time with Kelly over the past few months and they got along so well.</p><p>One thing that didn’t feel weird was having his partner at his side again. It was like two puzzle pieces sliding back into place.</p><p>He couldn’t help but notice out of the corner of his eye, that Lise’s hand was resting on the edge of the console between them; similar to the day <em>everything</em> had changed... The whole thing honestly felt like a lifetime ago, the way their fingers had met in the middle, his heart practically beating out of his chest.. To anyone else it might have seemed like such a simple gesture but somehow for them, it had been one of their most intimate moments to date. That’s how he saw it, anyways.</p><p>His daughter’s voice brought him back to the present.</p><p>“So Lise, I was wondering if you wanted me to stop by your place later to grab some things for you. Clothes, toiletries..?”</p><p>God, Cardinal loved his kid. She was so observant and thoughtful and moreover, in that very moment, a <em>lifesaver</em>. The knowledge that Lise would eventually need her things had been eating at him for a couple of hours. He knew there was no way she would be able move around her apartment, packing up her life for- well, he wasn’t really sure how long she would be staying with them.. If he knew his partner as well as he thought he did, she would <em>never</em> allow him to go through her things. Though, he would be lying if he said he wasn’t more than curious to see her place. Her bedroom..</p><p>He heard Lise quietly breathing beside him and he used the rhythm to level out his own.</p><p>“You wouldn’t mind?”</p><p>“Not at all! You’ll need your pyjamas, pants, t-shirts, shampoo, all that sort of stuff.”</p><p><em>Pyjamas...he was going to see Lise in pyjamas. How was this all just hitting him now, when he had had days to think about it?</em> He could feel her eyes on him as he kept his glued to the road and he had a feeling she was on a similar train of thought.</p><p>“That would be great, Kelly, merci beaucoup.”</p><hr/><p>He parked his SUV as close to the front door as possible and got out, coming around to Lise’s side of the vehicle. After opening the passenger door, he offered her his arm to hold onto but she immediately swatted his hand away, insisting that she was fine. He looked at her incredulously but she ignored him. Yes, he probably should have been more persistent but he knew how stubborn Lise could be. He wasn’t about to tell her what to do or how to do it; she knew what was best for herself, even if he thought otherwise...</p><p>By the time they had reached the guest bedroom, her cheeks were flushed a bright, rosy pink and the way in which she carefully lowered herself to the foot of the bed indicated the level of pain she had unnecessarily caused herself. Knowing what was best for him, he kept his mouth shut.</p><p>Once again, his daughter took over, quickly easing the tension in the room by chatting about all of the new items she had acquired in an attempt to redesign the originally “<em>boring decor</em>” - her words, not his. <em>There had been a bed, lighting and a proper amount of storage...what else did a bedroom need?</em></p><p>“It’s beautiful.” Lise murmured, quietly.</p><p>
  <em>Other things, apparently...</em>
</p><p>While his daughter held her attention, he took a moment to properly assess his partner. Her eyes revealed a tiredness only heavy physical exertion could cause. Her back curved, slightly giving her body a barely discernible hunch and he assumed it was in attempt to relieve the tension in her chest caused from sitting upright for too long. He wanted to tell her to rest; that doing so wasn’t a sign of weakness. Personally, if it were up to him, he would dole out the necessary amount of pain medication - which she would more than likely refuse to take - pull the covers up over her small frame and watch her give in to sleep, closing her eyes and ultimately, accepting his help.</p><p>She caught him staring and he quickly averted his gaze to the floor. <em>Why did she have to notice everything?</em> The very image of her there, in his guest room, was rattling him enough already. The truth was, he had thought about her being in his house, in bed before - but in his version she was never in the guest bed.. and she was never alone...</p><p>He could still feel her gaze on him and he awkwardly scratched his beard. <em>How the fuck was he supposed to sleep tonight knowing she was right down the hall from him?</em></p><p>His daughter abruptly announced her plans to head over to Lise’s apartment, kissed him on the cheek and took off without another word said. He was frozen in place. The manner with which she had left them, revealed her obvious intentions. She was giving the two of them some alone time. He had told Kelly numerous times before they left for the hospital that morning to let him approach... whatever was between him and Lise, on his own time, at his own speed but apparently he wasn’t moving quickly enough for her. He knew Kelly wanted nothing but happiness for him which made it all the more difficult to stay upset at her but he prayed that this stunt would be the extent of her meddling.</p><p>The moment the heavy oak front door slammed behind his daughter, he realized he was now on his own. The room seemed to grow so silent, one could hear a pin drop and their eyes found one another’s, anxiously.</p><p>“Well, uh- I’ll just.. “ he gestured behind him to the door, “let you get settled. If you wanted to rest or..?”</p><p>She nodded and he took his opportunity to flee.</p><p>“John?”</p><p>His hand gripped the doorknob tightly and he kept his back to her, “Yeah?”</p><p>“I know this is...strange. But I want to thank you for everything you’ve done for me.”</p><p>Her accent was thick and full of emotion and he kept his gaze trained on his now white knuckles. He wanted to turn around and tell her that she had done more for him in the past few years than he could ever do for her but he would try anyways.</p><p>He didn’t have the courage to say or do either of those things. He simply nodded.</p><p>“Call if you need anything, Lise.” He rasped, gently shutting the door behind him.</p><hr/><p>She didn’t want to feel helpless. She didn’t want to need him - <em>in more ways than one.</em></p><p>He had been there with her through everything from the very beginning. There were days where he had practically lived in her hospital room and she eventually began leaning heavily on him. The thing is, every time she had ever leaned on someone in the past, or needed them for anything, they gave her the impression that they were there. That she wasn’t alone. And then.. nothing. No one. She couldn’t go through that again.. She wasn’t sure if losing him was something she could bear. The possibility of such an outcome caused a deep seated fear to settle in the pit of her stomach.</p><p>She vowed to have a proper conversation with Cardinal, to sort everything out before she was healed enough to go home.</p><p> </p><p>Lise roused at the sound of a soft knocking nearby and cracked her eyes open, groggily adjusting to the warm lighting of Cardinal’s guest room. She sat up, slowly, wincing at the deep and seemingly constant ache in her chest. The pain spread throughout the rest of her torso and she yearned desperately for the medication to ease it.</p><p>“Lise? It’s Kelly.” The girl spoke softly on the other side of the door and Lise smiled.</p><p>“Come in.”</p><p>She did, towing two suitcases and an overnight bag slung over her shoulder.</p><p>“Wow!” Lise laughed.</p><p>“I kind of grabbed.. as much as I could.. but if something specific is missing, you can let me know and I can go back!”</p><p>“Kelly, I am so grateful to you for doing <em>all</em> of this. You’ve been such a big help over the past few months.”</p><p>Kelly shrugged and the gesture instantly reminded her of her partner.</p><p>Lise patted the spot next to her on the bed and Kelly plopped down beside her. It felt reminiscent of her hospital days.</p><p>“What time is it?”</p><p>“Around, 6ish. Dad and I made dinner so I wanted to see if you felt like eating with us?”</p><p>Lise pinched the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger</p><p>“I didn’t mean to sleep for so long, I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Lise, that’s what you’re supposed to be doing.” Kelly smiled and Lise felt a fierce urge to hug the girl.</p><p>Thinking about getting up and out of bed, she looked down at herself, realizing that she should probably change beforehand.</p><p>“Did you want some help getting dressed?”</p><p>Cardinal’s daughter seemed to have inherited her father’s expertise of reading people. Oddly enough, Lise felt okay accepting Kelly’s help. It wasn’t the first time she’d assisted her in such a way and so she nodded, gratefully</p><p>Kelly rummaged through the overnight bag, finding a pair of baggy grey sweatpants and an XL ABPD shirt Lise had cropped to fit her small frame. Kelly held them up for her approval.</p><p>“Perfect.”</p><p>A few minutes later, after Lise was changed. Cardinal’s daughter resituated herself on the bed.</p><p>“How are you doing? This must be a lot for you..”</p><p>"I won’t lie," Lise smiled. "It's a little strange but I feel very lucky to have a place such as this to recover and two amazing people who are making the transition as easy as possible."</p><p>"Nah, something’s off. What’s up?"</p><p>“You are so much like you’re dad, you know?”</p><p>Kelly rolled her eyes comically.</p><p>"I guess I just hate feeling helpless, lying around while you and your dad wait on me.”</p><p>“We’re not ‘waiting on you’ and you aren’t helpless.” Kelly said sternly. "You need help with some things but there's nothing wrong with letting us do so for a little while."</p><p>"I know, it's just…." Lise trailed off.</p><p>“It’s because it’s <em>him</em>, isn’t it?”</p><p>“I- I don’t..” Her cheeks flushed and it felt like Kelly could see right through her.</p><p>Lise sighed and leaned back against the headboard. She had to tread carefully here.</p><p>“Your Dad is my partner. He’s- it’s complicated." she admitted.</p><p>Kelly eyed her, waiting for more.</p><p>“A lot of people I’ve leaned on in the past have ended up…." Lise had to force the words past the lump in her throat, "I got hurt. A lot. I don’t want to go through that with you or your Dad. Both of you mean a lot to me, you know that, oui?”</p><p>Kelly nodded, smiling softly.</p><p>"It's hard to open yourself up like that. I get it. A lot of the people who I thought were my friends disappeared after my mom..” Kelly paused, briefly, clearing her throat of emotion at the mention of her mother before continuing, “But you’re doing it right now,  with me.”</p><p>Lise mirrored the girl’s smile.</p><p>“You trust me, so you feel like you can tell me these things. And I know you trust my Dad... It’s okay to be scared. But I promise we aren’t going anywhere.”</p><p>Kelly squeezed Lise’s hand with her own and Lise looked down at the smaller fingers wrapped around hers, feeling on the verge of tears.</p><p>“Leaving you would hurt him just as much as it would hurt you.“ she whispered</p><p>Lise’s eyes shot up, locking with Kelly’s and the girl nodded, reaffirming her statement.</p><p>“Anyways, lets eat!” she demanded, abruptly changing the subject without further explanation. Lise tried to collect her thoughts while feeling the need to pick her jaw up off the floor. <em>Did his daughter truly believe that?</em> Lise knew how much Cardinal cared about her but she never felt confident in the fact that he felt for her what she felt for him. His daughter’s revelation filled Lise’s stomach with butterflies.</p><hr/><p>After leaving Lise in the guest room, Cardinal lingered on the other side of the door. Already he was finding it difficult to be so close to her, having to muffle his feelings uncomfortably. The faint scent of her perfume seemed to linger in the hallway. The familiarity of it had always been linked to work; the close proximity of her desk to his and sitting next to one another in his car. But this was his home and the way it settled around his place of comfort seemed to ignite a strange sort of desire deep in the pit of his stomach. He decided in that moment to grab a quick shower, attempting to ignore the slight erection beginning to strain against his jeans.</p><p>When Cardinal stepped into the shower, he sighed contentedly as the hot water pounded against his tense muscles. He kept envisioning her in bed. That’s how it had started out. Just her, in the guest bed. But it soon morphed into her crawling into <em>his</em> bed in the middle of the night. Just thinking about her had him hardening under the spray and he dropped his forehead to the tiled wall. He'd gotten off thinking about her before. In the moment, it was bliss but afterwards he would drown in guilt. But the way he wanted her was hitting him differently, knowing she was only just downstairs.</p><p>He curled his hand around his cock, imagining her slim fingers replacing his, and he circled his thumb around his swelling tip. He could picture her so clearly in his mind. The curve of her body against his... that plump bottom lip tugged gently between his teeth.. his hand sliding down her abdomen, lower and lower until he hit her core, running his middle finger through her slick folds..</p><p>Her name slipped free, on a quiet groan at the vision and he cursed himself, vowing to keep his mouth shut from that moment on. He could feel himself nearing the brink of an amazing release as he imagined her tongue in his mouth, his hand gripping her ass, the sound of her whimpering his name.. <em>Fuck, fuck, fuck.</em> He continued, picturing her pumping him expertly, her small fingers tightening around him, her taut nipples pressed wetly against his chest as his finger delved deep inside her warmth. Her walls would contract around him as she rode the high of her orgasm. That was all it took to finish him off. He came hard and heavy and watched as the water quickly sent his seed swirling down the drain.</p><p>Along with his dignity.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>(One again, a few canon bits that are no longer canon: Cardinal’s room is downstairs and he’s never been inside Lise’s flat before.. I think that’s it. For now..)</p><p>A bit of a wait for a bit of a longer chapter! I hope the story doesn’t feel like it’s lagging! I know I’m dragging it out somewhat but it’s only because I don’t want it to end quickly :( I’m enjoying having something to do to keep my mind occupied. As always, thank you so much for reading and for every single kind word sent my way. It means more than you could possibly know! Feedback is always welcome :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Dinner</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Chilli anyone?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Cardinal watched as his daughter stumbled through the front door, her arms full of suitcases and grocery bags. He dog-eared the page he was reading and got up to help.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Kel, you do realize there’s such a thing as ‘multiple trips’?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He carefully extracted the hefty paper bags from her arms, kissing the top of her head in the process. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ha. Ha.” She deadpanned.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you, sweetheart.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He let his daughter handle Lise’s luggage while he unloaded the groceries at the kitchen counter and a moment later she joined him.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So,” he said, eyeing the produce and the wide array of spices, “What are we having?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Chilli.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You still like that?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Of course, Dad. Do you remember when I was ten, and Mom was hospitalized after that incident at the mall? Your chilli was like, the only thing I ate for a month.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Cardinal leaned against the counter, watching his daughter reminisce. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I remember.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Catherine had had a manic episode in the middle of a shoe store, during a back-to-school shopping trip with Kelly. She was convinced the cashier had slipped a tracking device inside of her purse when she wasn’t looking. Kelly had witnessed this kind of behaviour in the pastbut Cardinal was always there to deescalate the situation. He could still remember the sound of her tearful little voice on the other line..</span>
</p>
<hr/><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “<em>Daddy, can you come get us? Mommy’s not feeling good.” </em></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em><span class="s1">He had tried his best to head off the police as he weaved through traffic, horns honked angrily in his wake. It was useless. </span> <span class="s1">He didn’t make it in time. Pulling up to the entrance of the mall, he could hear his wife wailing before he’d even exited the vehicle and noticed a crowd beginning to form, drawn to the chaos.  </span></em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1">“Kelly!” he had yelled, spotting her standing next to an officer he was fairly familiar with.</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"><em> She ran to him and he held his arms wide open for his little girl. She crashed into him, latching her arms tightly around his mid</em>-<em>section. </em></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1">“I tried to tell her it was okay! I tried to calm her down but she just kept yelling!!” </span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1">“It’s okay. I’m so sorry, Kel. I should’ve been there. You did so good, baby.” </span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em><span class="s1">He gently cradled her head against his body, and fought back tears. </span> <span class="s2">Fuck</span><span class="s1">. He’d thought. </span> <span class="s2">This can’t keep happening.</span></em>
</p>
<hr/><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Cardinal hated that his daughter’s childhood memories would always be encased in trauma. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I miss her,” she admitted, “but I really don’t miss those moments.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He nodded in agreement.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So,” he said, changing the subject to something lighter, “Are you gonna help your old man with this or am I slaving away in the kitchen on my own?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She rolled her eyes at his theatrics. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Dad, How’s Lise doing?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He cleared his throat at the mention of his partner and turned his back on his daughter, effectively hiding his guilty expression. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I uh- I haven’t heard anything.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">No, he was too busy jacking off to the thought of her only half an hour ago. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll let her rest.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Cardinal slid the wooden cutting board down the counter in Kelly’s direction, sending a plump, round tomato rolling closely behind. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re on dicing duty then.”</span>
</p>
<hr/><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The stove filled the kitchen with warmth and the mixed aroma of garlic, tomatoes and cumin hung heavily in the air. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Cardinal felt full, somehow, without having ingested a single thing. It was a fullness completely unrelated to food. The Cardinal household hadn’t felt like home in a very long time. But cooking with his daughter - something they had both thoroughly enjoyed, ever since she was a child - put him at ease. She laughed so freely,as she measured various spices precisely, bossing him around in the process. She even stopped to tell him a story Lise had told her in the hospital. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Apparently on her first day as an officer, she had dealt with a drunken clown who had thrown up on her freshly pressed uniform. Adding insult to injury, he covered his bases with the backseat of her squad car as well. <em>Cardinal had definitely never heard </em></span> <em> <span class="s2">that</span> <span class="s1"> tale for obvious reasons.</span></em></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Lise said the other officers made these, like, gross, exaggerated gagging sounds every time she walked by and some of them left red blinking clown noses in her locker.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m sure she gave them hell for it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“She said, ‘success is the best revenge’ and then proceeded to climb the ranks faster than any detective in her division ever had.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Kelly grinned.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He smirked. <em>Definitely his Delorme. </em></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m gonna go see if she wants to join us for dinner, okay?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He nodded, hesitantly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He wanted to see her; to be near her again... but the notion of a normal dinner, sitting next to his partner after imagining her fingers wrapped around his length, eventually coming with her name on the tip of his tongue felt.. wrong on so many levels.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Cardinal had always <em>wanted</em> Lise. To say otherwise would be a lie. She was noticeably pretty, her features were delicate and feminine and her freckles portrayed a sweetness even she seemed unaware of. She wasn’t someone you would stop and stare at, mesmerized by her beauty. Truthfully, she appeared average from a distance. But in her presence? She was anything but. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her eyes were spellbinding. A brown so dark, it verged on black. If you pushed past the discomfort and continued gazing into them, you would notice the feeling they evoked, as if she were staring into your soul. She was keen and observant and completely unpredictable. She would make a decision based solely upon emotion and then suddenly swerve in place, choosing a more tactical approach, void of personal feeling. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">For him, the attraction was an array of things; when she opened her mouth and spoke for the very first time, he was surprised by her accent and how much he liked the way it wrapped thickly around certain words. He also liked the way she sized him up, not hiding the fact that she was making her own assessments of him. She carried herself with such confidence but also quite a noticeable twinge of vulnerability.. it was unlike anything he had ever seen. </span>
</p><p class="p2"><span class="s1">As he lay in bed later that evening, after their first day as partners, his mind had been wrought with the image of Katie Pine’s body encased in ice. It was almost too much to bear. He had let her down. He had stopped looking when she was still out there. He squeezed his eyes shut, forcing it all away. <em>No more.</em> His psyche obliged, replacing the gruesome slideshow with something entirely unexpected; those dark, intense eyes. Reading him, </span> <span class="s2">seeing</span> <span class="s1"> him, <em>consuming</em> him. He gradually found himself falling, drowning in the depths of them and drifted off to sleep.</span></p>
<hr/><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“..<em>smells really good..”</em></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1">“..you’ll love it..”</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He could hear the soft approach of his daughter and partner and paused, mid-ladle, to turn around. He watched Kelly slowly lead Lise into the kitchen, not holding onto her but hovering closely beside her.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She must have fallen asleep at some point, judging from the faint pillowcase impressions lining her rosy cheeks. Her hair was down with messy curls framing her face. <em>She looked adorable.</em> She yawned then, and her nose scrunched causing his heart to clench in his chest. <em>He liked this version of his partner very much. He could get used to seeing her this way. So soft and comfortable. He imagined how it would feel with her snuggled up against him on the couch, watching movies, reading together, the warmth and weight of her in his arms.. </em></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m just gonna go grab Lise’s pain pills, I’ll be right back!” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Cardinal eyed Lise, after his daughter had disappeared. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You pushed yourself too hard.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It wasn’t a question, more of an assumption and she frowned at him in response. He watched her cautiously out of the corner of his eye as he finished filling all three bowls with chilli. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you mind helping me?” She had spoken so quietly he almost missed the question. It seemed as if she was finally caving.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s still difficult to sit down.” She explained</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He came to her side, at the table, knowing what to do and how to do it but feeling unsure whether she would be okay with it.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Come here.” He said huskily.</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">She watched him with an unreadable expression and he went for it, anchoring both hands at her waist. </span> <em><span class="s2">Fuck, how was she was so small? </span></em><span class="s1">Her sweatpants hung low at her hips and her t-shirt was cropped, leaving him no choice but to touch her bare skin. It felt as if they were in their own impenetrable bubble, the way they had been, in the car that day. </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They both slowly exhaled when his warm fingers pressed into her cool, exposed skin. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Okay?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mhm.” she spoke softly, “You know... French-Canadians make the best chilli.” She looked up at him, her smile was contagious. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is that right?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s a fact.” She emphasized the ‘T’, her tongue moving sharply against the roof of her mouth. <em>She had no business making simple words sound that dirty. </em></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He brushed his thumb along the sharp jut of her hipbone and watched as her pupils dilated. He felt as if his heart had leapt into his throat, the rapidity of its beating taking over. All he had to do in that moment, was lean down, rest his forehead against hers... </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wet her lips and he could feel himself growing hard. <em>Again</em>. He could capture her mouth, slide his tongue against hers, tug her slick bottom lip between his teeth..His eyes lifted from her mouth and he was met with those deep, dark eyes. She nodded then, he was <em>sure</em> of it. A barely discernible tip of the head. <em>Did she just give him permission? </em></span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Just then, he could hear his daughter’s footsteps closing in and his body instinctively jerked away from Lise.She looked about as disappointed as he felt. </span> <em><span class="s2">Cockblocked again. </span></em></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He helped lower her to the chair, reluctantly extracting his hands from her body. Without warning, she snagged one of them tugging him back down to her level and without hesitation, leaned in to kiss the corner of his mouth. He pulled back, looking at her in shock and she bit her lip, self consciously. <em>Fuck</em>.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">His daughter returned and the three of them sat down to dinner together. Lise and Cardinal let Kelly carry the majority of the conversation as the two partners sat opposite one another. He kept his eyes on his dinner for the most part, distracted by her lips and the way they had felt, pressed against his skin. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Once they had all finished eating, Cardinal looked to his partner.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So?”</span>
</p><p class="p2">She glanced down at her empty bowl, and shrugged her shoulders,</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Meh.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He smirked. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>*in the tune of “can you feel the love tonight?” from the lion king: CAAAAAN YOUUU FEEEL TTHEEE SEXXXUAAALLL TENSIOOONNN</p><p>I honestly don’t know how I feel about this one and I may be posting it too soon.. probably needed much more fine tuning. But here we are. Leave me some feedback and if it’s no good, I’ll try again &lt;3333  Love and well wishes to all!!  (And once again, thank you so so so much for the nicest comments ever. I wish I could properly express what they all mean to me.)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. In the Middle of the Night</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The world feels different in the middle of the night. When everything is blanketed in darkness, it’s easy to forget the way it looks in the light of day.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>It's dark and quiet. Nighttime blankets the hallway, the frames of each door she passes by are empty and hollow. It’s as if the house itself is asleep. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her bare feet feel sticky against the hardwood floor as she pads closer to his room. The clock on his bedside table blinks out a time in the single digits, but she doesn't see it, isn't aware of anything but him and the faint outline of his body beneath the sheets. The rise and fall of his chest. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She can feel her lungs slowly begin to follow the same pace and rhythm. In - one, two, three. Out - one, two, three.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> The mattress dips beneath each knee as she straddles his waist. Her thighs press against his. Skin to skin. Her palms are on his chest and his span her backside, anchoring her body to his.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> He’s cradled between her thighs when he enters her, hot and solid.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> She begins rocking leisurely on top of him. His tongue quickly finds her mouth and she can feel it slide wetly against her own. She keeps her rhythm unhurried. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Their eyes are open, having adjusted to the darkness and his gaze remains locked on hers as she grinds against him, their bodies pressed tightly together. She moans, softly into his mouth, a quiet little sound in the stillness of the room. It’s enough to tug a similar sound from deep within his chest, rising to meet her heated body. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She's never crawled on top of someone in the middle of the night just to feel them. To know with certainty that they’re still there.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> Her thumbs cradle his cheeks as his knees slide up behind her, bumping her ass softly. Her strokes grow longer. He kisses her tirelessly. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He’s not deep enough. She needs him deeper. Much, much deeper. She spreads her knees wider, lowers her hips. He sweeps her hair over one side of her head, his eyes never leaving hers. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The friction is perfect and she can feel him watching her face, watching her get off on grinding against him. A choked groan tumbles from her lips when she realizes their bodies are just as much partners here in this bed as they are and always have been everywhere else.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> His fingers slide between their bodies to help her along and she breathes heavily into his mouth. Its then that she can feel it, that spark igniting a brushfire in her abdomen. It grows, licking at every muscle and tendon inside of her body. The flames flicker all the way down to her toes as she buries her face into his neck. When she loses momentum, he keeps moving her hips against him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>They finally ascend together and he tenses as the two of them crash all the way back down.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> She presses her mouth to his neck, tasting his sweat slicked skin and she rearranges her body to spread out along his. Their bare stomachs rise and fall against each other, panting breaths and then slower, perfect contrasts. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She doesn't ever want to move. She never knew this would be something she wanted; him, in her space unequivocally. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She relaxes as his fingertips trail her spine in light, soothing patterns. He doesn't make her move, just pulls the sheet up over them. Although, she does drift off of him slightly as she starts to fade. Her body slides down into the crook of his side, the cool sheets float against her still hot skin. Their legs entangle under the light cover as her eyelids become unbearably heavy and slide shut, eyelashes fluttering against her cheeks and then he's whispering things in her ear. She can’t understand the words but she’s sure that if love was a sound, it would be his voice.</em>
</p><hr/><p>“Lise?”</p><p>It <em>was</em> his voice.</p><p>Her eyes shot open, and she gasped as her body instinctively jolted upwards. The pain was immediate and would have taken her breath away, <em>if the dream itself hadn’t.</em> She was panting as if she’d run a marathon and her body was drenched in sweat. Her damp hair stuck to her neck, short tendrils at her forehead. She sat there breathing heavily, trying to catch her bearings, when she heard a distinct knock at her bedroom door.</p><p>
  <em>Wait. Not <span class="u">her</span> bedroom door.. the <span class="u">guest</span> bedroom door..</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She wasn’t at home. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She was at Cardinal’s. </em>
</p><p>There was another knock, a little louder than the one before.</p><p>“Lise?”</p><p><em>Merde</em>. It was <em>definitely</em> his voice and now she was <em>definitely</em> wide awake.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Okay. I haaaad to slip a little dream in there. Cardinal got his little shower fantasy.. we had to even the score a bit. And yes, I’m aware that technically she didn’t get the same happy ending. But who’s to say this ending won’t be happy as well...? </p><p>(I wanna add that it has a rushed, cramped, confusing pace *because* it’s a dream. I wanted it to feel a bit messy - something that comes easily to me...)</p><p>I’ll try to get the longer, *actual* chapter posted this weekend &lt;333</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Speak Up</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Do these two finally talk like normal human beings? Maybe.. Do other things happen? Maybe... Sheesh, read the chapter, already! What are you still doing here?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Cardinal felt like dinner had gone as well as could be expected for something as new as all of this was. Though he wasn’t entirely sure how they would have fared without Kelly as their buffer..</p><hr/><p>Comfortable silence was something that had always come naturally to the two of them. It was almost odd how easy it felt from day one. Things were a lot different now than they were years ago and living under the same roof had the potential for... <em>a lot</em> of things to happen. Good and bad. Truthfully, the intimate setting already seemed to be putting a wedge between their normally seamless connection. He hoped it wouldn’t put a wedge between other aspects of their relationship as well. He couldn’t bear the thought of losing everything they had worked so hard to build. If it meant keeping his true feelings to himself in order to remain partners with her, he would; if it meant she would still be a part of his life. Platonic partners was better than nothing at all. <em>That’s what he kept telling himself anyways..</em></p><hr/><p>Judging by the three empty bowls, practically licked clean in front of them, Cardinal assumed the chilli was a success. He stood, preparing to clean up when Kelly loudly cleared her throat and asked to be excused.</p><p>“Of course you can.”</p><p>“I just have, um, some extra bio homework this weekend and I want to get a head start on it..” She explained.</p><p>His daughter was convincing, he would give her that. But she seemed to forget her father was a detective and had been for longer than her sixteen years on earth.</p><p>She was meddling. <em>Again</em>. Something he would be talking to her about later, before she went to bed. Lise didn’t deserve to be put in these forced, awkward situations all because his daughter wanted to play ‘Parent Trap’. He especially didn’t want Lise to feel uncomfortable enough to leave.</p><p>“Okay, well, goodnight Lise. I’ll see you in the morning.”</p><p>“Bonne nuit, ma chérie.” Lise stood, slowly, with one hand pressed to her chest; in what Cardinal could only assume to be an attempt at keeping her pain at bay.</p><p>She quickly kissed Kelly on both cheeks and he watched his daughter leave the room holding back a smile.</p><p>Cardinal wasn’t sure how such a small gesture could have such an impact on both him and Kelly</p><p>Lise’s capacity to empathize had always fascinated him. It was as if she could pinpoint another’s emotions and their exact place of origin. She would always respond in a way that made the other person feel noticed and cared for. She seemed to understand how desperately Kelly was yearning for maternal affection and with just a few small touches and loving words in french she had provided that for her. The amazing thing was, he didn’t even think Lise was aware of the impact she truly had on others.</p><p>Lise knew how to control her emotions in a healthy way, whereas Cardinal felt as if he was drowning in it all; the empathy, the anxiety, the guilt, the fear.. he just never knew what to do with it the way she did.</p><p>Sometimes he felt dangerously close to dimming Lise’s warm light with his own dark shadow.</p><p>Lise carefully lowered herself back down into her seat and he didn’t miss the small wince of pain that flashed across her face.</p><p>Cardinal began stacking the bowls one on top of the other, adding the utensils. He just couldn’t seem to sit still with her so close by. She smelled like vanilla and strawberries and he wondered if it was lotion. Fuck, he really wanted it to be lotion. He wanted to be the one rubbing his hands along the length of her legs, massaging the cream into her skin as his fingers flexed their way up the apex of her thighs....</p><p>
  <em>What was wrong with him? He had never thought these type of things in her company before. Not at work, not at the hospital.. He was attracted to her, always, but never fantasized himself into a hard on with her only a few feet away.</em>
</p><p>He quickly turned his back on her, deciding to busy himself at the sink, rinsing dishes instead while furiously attempting to force every dirty thought from his mind.</p><p>“Your kid is kind of perfect.”</p><p>He nodded. <em>Okay, good. Kelly was a safe topic and one that abruptly brought his mind back to the present.</em></p><p>“Yeah, who knew being raised by wolves could have such a positive effect?”</p><p><em>He really did possess the ability to spin every conversation into a depressing and downward spiral.</em> He continued loading the dishwasher, clashing the dinnerware louder than necessary.</p><p>“I don’t think that’s true.” She murmured, above the noise.</p><p>
  <em>He loved the way her T’s sometimes sounded like D’s.</em>
</p><p>“You don’t think what’s true?”</p><p>“That Kelly was raised by wolves.”</p><p>Too often his partner gave him the benefit of the doubt, and he never deserved it. He turned to face her and leaned back against the counter with his arms folded self consciously across his chest.</p><p>“Catherine and I were... wild animals in our own right.” he smiled sadly, “‘Feral’ might be a better term. Me, with my career and her with her…health. Neither one of us knew how to do anything without letting it consume us.”</p><p>Lise looked down at her hands, clasped tightly together in her lap. All of a sudden she looked torn up. He waited for her to speak and when she finally did, her voice had dropped a few decibels.</p><p>“Believe it or not, being raised by loving, feral wolves is better than raising yourself. I promise you.” Now, it was her turn to smile sadly.</p><p>
  <em>Yeah...He definitely was dimming her light.</em>
</p><p>They both grew silent after that, gazes locked on one another from across the room. He drank her in, feeling entirely overwhelmed. <em>It was impossible not to drown in her. Just her.</em> There was so much going on behind those beautiful darkened eyes and he wanted to know every single thing she was thinking.</p><p>Her head tilted slightly to the side, like a curious puppy, “I wish I knew what you were thinking.”</p><p>He almost choked out loud at the irony.</p><p><em>Christ, how was she able to reveal such personal thoughts without feeling an ounce of self consciousness? </em>He knew he owed it to her to do the same, even if his mind furiously protested the idea.</p><p>“I was, uh-“</p><p><em>At least tell her you were thinking about her. Tell her that you’re <span class="u">always</span> thinking about her. Tell her anything</em>! His psyche was practically screaming at him.</p><p>“I was just thinking...h-how tired you must be.”</p><p>He watched her work hard to mask her obvious disappointment. <em>He was such a coward. They could have kept talking. He could have admitted his feelings, allowed himself to be vulnerable with her. But no, he had become his own emotional cockblock.</em></p><p>“I <em>am</em> tired.” She admitted, staring deeply into his eyes.</p><hr/><p>“Kel?” he knocked gently at her bedroom door.</p><p>“Hey, Dad.”</p><p>He found her sitting up in bed, reading, a stack of books balanced precariously at her side. She reminded him so much of himself at her age. Instead of hanging out with friends, or driving around town doing god knows what, he would sit at his desk, reading crime thrillers well into the evening.</p><p>Cardinal sat at the foot of Kelly’s bed.</p><p>“Listen, sweetheart, I know you mean well but...you can’t keep... trapping Lise and I together.” He scratched awkwardly at his beard, hating the fact that this conversation was even necessary.</p><p>“I’m not ‘<em>trapping</em>’ you guys.” she said, clearly offended by his choice of word, “Dad, I can’t always be around to nudge you both into having an actual conversation. Maybe the more you’re alone together, the more it’ll start happening naturally. You have to <em>talk</em>. It’s the only way a relationship can survive. Communication.”</p><p>“We...talk.”</p><p>She raised her eyebrows sceptically.</p><p>“It’s- fine, okay. I understand that you think Lise and I- that we..”</p><p>He could feel his face going red.</p><p>“Anyways. Just...enough meddling, okay? Go to sleep.”</p><p>He kissed the top of her head and switched off the lamp on her bedside table, quickly fleeing the room before she could reel him back in with another pep talk.</p><p>Cardinal was wired and he hadn’t even had his evening coffee yet. He headed back downstairs to finish tidying up the kitchen, which then turned into folding a load of of laundry, which then turned into working on a crossword puzzle, slumped on the couch in the living room, the end of the pen between his teeth. He couldn’t concentrate. He kept reading the same hint over and over, trying not to stare across the room at Lise’s closed bedroom door. <em>He wondered what she was doing. Probably sleeping. If that was true then he wondered what she was wearing. Pyjamas? Shorts and a tank top? Or maybe she slept in her underwear. Fuckkkkk.</em></p><p>He switched on the television and channel surfed with the volume on mute for a little while. <em>He was being ridiculous, he should just go to bed, try to get some sleep and clear his mind so that tomorrow, he could be the partner Lise deserved</em>. An hour slowly passed by and he still hadn’t left his post. It was <em>torturous</em> knowing she was right there, on the other side of the door, in bed. <em>This whole arrangement was going to kill him. He’d be having three showers a day at the rate he was going.</em></p><p>He leaned back, folding his arms behind his head and closed his eyes, trying to relax. His mind began wandering to the cropped t-shirt she wore at dinner and the way it had lifted when she moved; at one point he had even caught a glimpse of her small belly button. <em>Everything about her really was petite. Why did it turn him on so much? Their height difference, the way her elegant little fingers looked alongside his rough and calloused ones. Her fingers…He imagined them toying with his belt buckle as she looked up at him with hooded eyes, preparing to make him writhe in pleasure. </em>Within seconds he was rock hard, picturing her mouth, the soft pink bow of her upper lip, the way his name sounded rolling off her tongue..</p><p>“<em>Cardinaaalll</em>”</p><p>Exactly like that. A whine; a plea. Again, his name left her mouth.. and then his eyes shot open. She was <em>actually</em> calling out for him. In real life, in the other room.</p><p>He rose, slowly from the couch and padded carefully across the living room like a trespasser in his own home.</p><p>All was quiet.</p><p>
  <em>Maybe his fantasies were becoming a bit too realistic..</em>
</p><p>“<em>Cardinal</em>.”</p><p><em>That wasn’t a fantasy.</em> He was in the hallway now, standing on the opposite side of her bedroom door and he could hear her, clear as day, repeat his name. <em>Did she need help? Maybe she fell..</em>.He rapped lightly on the door, waiting to see if she heard him. Nothing. He knocked again, a bit louder, calling her name this time. He felt torn. <em>Maybe he should open the door, she was still recovering fr a serious injury after all</em>, he reasoned with himself. But he also deeply respected her privacy and the thought of breaking into her room without an invitation seemed wrong on so many levels. <em>Maybe he should wake Kelly and she could be the one to check on her. No, that was ridiculous.</em></p><p>“Lise?”</p><p>He heard an audible gasp and his brow furrowed. <em>What the hell was going on in there?</em></p><p>“Lise?” He tried again.</p><p>“Cardinal?”</p><p>He froze. His name sounded different than it had the last time. Now, she sounded panicked.</p><p>“I uh- heard you call out. Are you okay?”</p><p>“Oh...yeah. I’m- I’m fine.”</p><p>
  <em>She didn’t sound fine..</em>
</p><p>“Are you… sure?” He asked, hesitantly.</p><p>Silence.</p><p>“Do you want to come in and see for yourself?”</p><p><em>Was she joking? Of course he did. But was it the right call?</em> Things always seemed to move at a parallel pace in the middle of the night. It felt as if daylight would never break, and anything that occurred under the veil of darkness didn’t count. <em>But it did to him</em>.</p><p>“John, I can hear you thinking from here.”</p><p>He huffed, suppressing a smile.</p><p>“Okay, I’m coming in.”</p><hr/><p>She wasn’t sure what had compelled her to invite him in. Well, that wasn’t entirely true. <em>She’d just had a wet dream about him after all…</em> and maybe a part of her also just assumed he would never accept her invitation; he spooked far too easily with her lately. Even after dinner, when Kelly had left them alone, he practically sent her to bed. It hurt, feeling like they weren’t on the same page. She wasn’t even sure if they were on the same <em>chapter</em> anymore.</p><p>The door opened, slowly and her partner edged into the room with an almost comical wariness. He stood back against the wall like a nervous teenager at prom.</p><p>“I’m not going to bite.” She murmured, quietly, and patted the spot next to her on the bed.</p><p>He looked <em>adorable</em>. He was wearing green checkered pyjama pants and a black long sleeved henley, his cheeks were rosy and his hair stuck up at all ends in the back. She wondered if he had been sleeping.</p><p>He sat down gingerly at her side. He was so careful, trying not to jostle her too much. <em>He acted like she was made of glass.</em> She wished he wouldn’t. She wished he would touch her more freely and affectionately.</p><p>“Did I wake you?” She asked.</p><p>He shook his head and she watched as his eyes darted from her mouth, to her chest and back up to her eyes again all within the span of a single second. It occurred to her then that she wasn’t wearing a bra and her thin tank top was far from proper coverage. But she didn’t mind the attention it drew from him. It made her toes curl under the blankets thinking about her dream; <em>the way her bare breasts had pressed against his broad chest. The way the new position had opened her body up even more for him.</em> She chewed at her bottom lip. Her underwear was damp before, but now with him next to her, they felt soaking wet.</p><p>“No,” he said huskily, “couldn’t sleep..”</p><p>Her heart was pounding in her chest. She was <em>in bed</em>, in <em>Cardinal’s house</em>, in the <em>middle of the night</em> with him beside her in his <em>pyjama’s</em>. <em>If she leaned forward right now, just an inch or two, she could press her lips to his, turn her dream into reality.</em> The warm light from the bedside lamp surrounded them, in their own personal bubble, creating an even more intimate setting. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her and she wondered, once again what he was thinking about.</p><p>“Cardinal?” She whispered.</p><p>His eyebrows tilted upwards in question.</p><p>“If I ask you what you’re thinking, will you tell me the truth this time?”</p><p>His pupils expanded and he wet his lips, a reaction that made her even more curious about what was preoccupying his mind.</p><p>“Lise.. I don’t know if I..”</p><p>They sat there, in the hushed room, feeling the tension grow thicker and thicker and she decided then and there that she wouldn’t let him leave the room until he told her. He <em>had</em> to tell her what they were doing. <em>Why did he say he didn’t want her to leave? Why was he there by her side at the hospital, day after day? Why did he want her here in his home?</em></p><p>“Just tell me. <em>Please</em>, John.”</p><p>His eyes dropped to his lap and he exhaled shakily.</p><p>“I was thinking about you. About you being here, with me, and how much I…I <em>like</em> spending time with you. I’m just not sure if you feel that way, Lise.”</p><p>His eyes found hers again and they were so full of concern and vulnerability. She desperately wanted to rid him of it all.</p><p>“You’re not sure if I like being with you? Cardinal, of <em>course</em> I like being with you. You’re.. <em>my person.</em>”</p><p>His eyes scanned her features, intensely.</p><p>“Give me your hand, I can’t stretch.”</p><p>He smiled softly, following her order, pressing his warm palm against hers on her lap. She ran her thumb back and fourth against his rough skin in a way she hoped would feel soothing to him.</p><p>“Tell me again what you told me in Toronto, at the hotel before Dyson called.” She whispered.</p><p>He frowned slightly and she worried then, that he may have forgotten the entire thing. But after his initial pause, he recalled the words as if they were ready and waiting on the tip of his tongue.</p><p>“I don’t want you to leave.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Because,” he sighed heavily “I want you to stay. I want…<em>you</em>. With <em>me</em>.”</p><p>Her chest was heaving in tandem with his and she felt like her heart was about to beat out of her chest. Especially if he kept saying things like that..</p><p>She watched as he leaned in slowly and her eyes dropped to his mouth.</p><p>“I’m going to-” He rasped, quietly.</p><p>She interrupted, nodding her consent.</p><p>He pressed his lips to hers with such reverence she almost whimpered. He was warm and smelled like cedar and she filled her nose with the scent of his cologne, something she had grown so used to over the years. It was comforting, and safe and the only coherent thought she had was that he felt like home.</p><p>They both sighed, softly into one another’s mouths. <em>Finally</em>.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Did I just leave you hanging like that? I DID AND I ACTUALLY KIND OF FEEL BAD ABOUT IT!! But we love a slow burn... right? We do, right???</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Why?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I’m sorry... I had to do it..</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The moment his lips touched hers, he knew everything had changed. There was now a ‘before’ and ‘after’ to their relationship. Before they crossed this line and after. He couldn’t go back now. He couldn’t keep his feelings to himself now that he knew what she tasted like or the way her lips felt pressed up against his, so warm and tender. She kissed him with intent and a unique inquisitiveness only Lise Delorme seemed to possess. It was similar to the way she would gaze at him from across her desk at work. She was learning. She wanted to understand him. She wanted to <em>know</em> him.</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">He cradled her cheeks in the palm of his hands, allowing the tips of his fingers to sift through her soft curls. He had never felt the need to be so gentle with someone before. Not just because of her physical injuries but because of their relationship and the sheer fragility of it. What they had deserved to be handled with care. But more than anything, <em>she</em> </span> <span class="s1">deserved to be handled with care. </span></p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">He wasn’t sure what her previous relationships had looked like in the past but he was positive that none of those men were worthy of her. Truthfully, he put himself in that same ‘undeserving’ category, and it was the main reason why he was having such a difficult time coming to terms with his feelings for her. You couldn’t look at the two of them and </span><em><span class="s2">not</span></em> <span class="s1">see all of the reasons why he wasn’t good enough for her. His age, his personality, all of his baggage.. God, when Cardinal had been her age, he was married with a child, setting roots down in Toronto. <em>Didn’t Lise deserve those same opportunities as well?</em> <em>Maybe </em></span><em><span class="s1">that wasn’t the life she truly wanted but who was he to stand in the way of her figuring those things out for herself?</span></em></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He wondered whether Lise and Josh would have made it if she had stayed in financial. Cardinal felt like he could write an essay on all of the reasons why that relationship would have tanked, regardless.. but that wasn’t his business. He just wanted Lise to be happy. That’s all he had <em>ever</em> wanted for her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Happiness wasn’t something Cardinal had ever been very good at, even before the dominoes in his life began to tumble. He was a quiet child, a moody teenager, a less than optimistic young man and now.. just a tired and tortured old soul. Finding happiness in a person such as himself was like trying to grow a vegetable garden in the Sahara desert, a desperate struggle, ending in inevitable disappointment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He wanted to free himself from the parts of his life that weighed him down, he really did, and when he was with Lise, she tried to share the burden with him, to carry some of it herself so that <em>he</em> could properly function. He knew how unfair that was to her. </span>
</p><hr/><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Back in the present, he reveled in the way her lips fit perfectly against his; so soft and warm and pliable, she seemed to melt under his touch. When she sighed into his mouth, he felt himself do the same. He had wanted this for such a long time. From the day he met her, he had</span> <span class="s1">imagined the ways in which it might’ve  happened - <em>yes, even while his wife was still alive.</em> He could make excuse after excuse for his emotive infidelity but the </span> <span class="s1">truth was, his wife hadn’t been present in their marriage for years. When he had first met his partner, his body had reacted before his mind did. Though eventually, his mind caught up and quickly ran rampant with fantasies. Now he knew that those fantasies had nothing on reality. The warmth of her, the taste of her, the smell of her...it was tangible. All of it. <em>She</em> was real. <em>What they were doing</em> was real. </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The kiss slowly began to deepen as the two grew bolder, and when their tongues finally met for the first time, he literally groaned. A gravelly, desperate sort of sound he had never heard himself make before. The cove of her mouth was wet and hot and all encompassing and he wanted to stay attached to her this way for as long as she would allow him to. They had been emotionally attached to one another for a very long time now, but <em>physically</em> attached was a brand new level for them, one he was more than eager to explore. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She sucked at his upper lip, laving her tongue over the tender flesh and he let his hands drift from her face, down the length of her neck, dragging over her shoulders and past her biceps. Cardinal couldn’t help his fingers from fisting in the back of her tank top, threatening to tear the light material to shreds. He could feel himself growing harder by the second and all he wanted to do was splay her body out before him so he could worship every inch of her soft, milky skin; with his fingers, with his teeth, with his lips, with his own body..He was moving further into her space and she was welcoming him in with open arms. Her hands wound around his neck and he was thinking in that moment about tugging her into his lap, maybe grinding her hips down into his so she could feel exactly what she was doing to him but that thought quickly evaporated when she suddenly wrenched her mouth from his, cursing in french. He watched her press the heel of her palm into the healing bullet wound above her left breast. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Merde.. ah, ah.” she whimpered, inhaling sharply at the pain.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He instantly pulled away from her, fearing he would cause her even more pain. It was only when he sat back that he realized just how close they had gravitated to one another.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Lise I’m-”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I swear if you say you’re sorry..” she threatened through clenched teeth, “It was all me.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em><span class="s2">God, what were they even doing? Why did he think coming in here was a good idea? He was thinking with </span> <span class="s2">the wrong head, that’s why. </span></em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe I should, uh-“ he motioned uselessly in the opposite direction, to the safety of the other side of the door. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He felt her eyes penetrating his, dark and full of unanswered questions. He had hurt her, he could see it shimmering there, clear as day but he wasn’t sure if was physical or emotional pain. <em>Maybe both.</em> Either way, it broke his heart. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Cardinal..” she whispered, at a loss. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her eyebrows knit together and she looked more confused than ever before. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">His stomach churned and the urge to flee grew stronger with every second. </span> <span class="s2"><em>He couldn’t do this. How did he think he could ever do this?</em> Make out with his <em>partner</em> who was <em>half his age</em>, in the house he had once <em>lived in with his dead wife</em>, while his <em>daughter slept upstairs</em>? </span> <span class="s1">Lise was supposed to be healing so she could get back to her career. Her <em>new</em> career in Toronto. She had so much life ahead of her and here he was, closer to retirement and still trying to compartmentalize every fucked up piece of his life</span> <span class="s2">.</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He shook his head helplessly, “I just- I’m sorry, Lise. I can’t.” he could hear every raw emotion in his body thread through his husky voice.</span>
</p><p class="p2">“<em>Why are you doing this</em>? Tell me <em>why</em>, John.” her voice was shaking but she kept her composure.</p><p class="p2">”Lise-”</p><p class="p2">”No, you’re right. I’m sorry too, John. I’m sorry ‘dat all you seem to see is demons instead of what’s standing right in front of you. What’s <em>been</em> standing right in front of you for <em>years</em>!” she swiped angrily at the tears beginning to stream down her cheeks, “You’re not ‘de only one with trauma and anger and heartbreak and fear. You’re not ‘de only one who’s broken. Who’s <em>been</em> broken, a thousand times in a thousand different ways. You don’t think I’m scared too?”</p><p class="p2">Her accent was becoming thicker and thicker and he listened harder than ever before to each word she sent flying in his direction. His heart was pounding, blood pulsed in his ears. He had never heard her speak this way before, with such <em>fire</em>. They never fought like this. Maybe he had finally pushed her too far. </p><p class="p2">“You don’t even-“ she huffed angrily, “you don’t even realize how <em>long</em> I’ve-“ </p><p class="p2">
  <em>How long she’s what?</em>
</p><p class="p2"><em>”</em>Just go, Cardinal.”</p><p class="p2">”Lise-“</p><p class="p2">”I’m not <em>asking</em>.”</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">He slowly rose to his feet but felt frozen in place, no longer eager to leave. In fact, he was <em>scared</em> to. <em>What happened to their relationship after tonight?</em> She wouldn’t even look at him. She just sat there with her palm still pressed to her clavicle, half-hugging her chest while her gaze remained trained on her lap. He floundered for another moment or two before finally relenting, leaving the same way he had arrived; hesitant and torn.. </span>
</p><hr/><p class="p1"><span class="s1">She lay there under the covers, curled up in the fetal position, staring out the window into the dark nothingness. Hot tears trickled relentlessly down her cheeks, trailing into her already damp hair. <em>She had to go home.</em> There was no way she could be <em>here</em> with him anymore. She couldn’t be with him </span> <span class="s2">period</span><span class="s1">. He would never give himself over to her and she should have realized that by now. All he was capable of doing was self sabotaging. </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She would take the job in Toronto and start all over again. She had told him once before, not all that long ago, that he could start a new life - ideally with her, and his lack of response then should have been enough of a red flag for her. But she wore blinders with John. She always had. Even in their early days together, when he was suspected of being dirty, she found herself rationalizing his suspicious behaviour. She only ever wanted to see the best in him because she <em>knew</em> his potential. She <em>knew</em> the man he was deep down inside but he would never be free. That man was caged. That man was <em>imprisoned. </em>But the fact was, Lise was out of moves and she was done making excuses for his behaviour.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It seemed as if <em>she</em> would be the one starting a new life. Again. <em>Without him</em>.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>ANGST. It has officially arrived... pls don’t hurt me.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Fix It</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kelly has a few things to say about Cardinal’s major fuck up.. Thank God someone’s there to talk some sense into that hard head.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We need to talk. <em>Now</em>." </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Kelly’s voice jolted him from a sound sleep. So abruptly in fact, he almost fell off the couch in a tangle of long limbs. He looked up, blearily to find his daughter towering over him, hands on her hips, looking furious.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“<em>What</em>?” he croaked</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">His voice scraped at his vocal cords, low and rough from a long night of tossing and turning. Despite her overt forcefulness, Cardinal kept his tone even when he spoke.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“About?"</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">"What did you </span> <span class="s2">do</span> <span class="s1">?”</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He frowned, confusion crinkling his brow.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She gave him a minute for his brain to catch up and watched as his face transformed, the cloud of miscomprehension clearing from his eyes.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Cardinal swallowed hard, his mouth parching suddenly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Just- okay, let me explain." </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">In reality, he knew there was no valid explanation for his actions the previous evening.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"I didn’t mean for it to happen the way it did, we just-“</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“- you just what?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I wasn’t thin-“</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“-obviously”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They were talking over top of one another as Cardinal tried to get ahead of the inevitable upset.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Will you let me speak?” he asked, semi-forcefully</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She relented, nodding her head but her eyes remained cloudy and grey. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Cardinal pressed his fingertips to his forehead, his nose pushing against his palm; a poor attempt at hiding his shame. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“<em>Listen</em>, Lise had a nightmare last night, or… I don’t know… I thought I heard her call out for me, so I went to check on her.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He shook his head in dismay as the memories began returning in full force.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Kelly waited calmly for him to continue.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know, Kel, what do you want me to say?He asked, exasperated. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">How was he supposed to tell his daughter about kissing Lise? If that wasn’t awkward enough, how was he supposed to explain how he wanted more than just a partnership, that he wanted a lifetime with her but he was scared and had spooked easily the second things had started getting real. He fled. He was a coward. It was difficult thing to admit out loud to your kid.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Just tell me the <em>truth</em>."She murmured quietly.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> The fury in her voice had dissipated but her fingers continued tapping against her hips in restless agitation.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He rose slowly, situating himself against the couch cushions. His limbs ached from the cramped position he had forced upon himself all night. It was a deserved punishment. For some reason it had felt wrong to him, going to bed after leaving Lise like that. Part of him just wanted to be near her, despite it all. Maybe she would call out for him again and he could explain himself, apologize, tell her why he kept doing this to her. It was doubtful, but not… impossible. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I went to check on her,” he continued, “We sat and, uh-talked… for a few minutes…” </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Cardinal could feel his face growing hotter and hotter<em>. God, why did </em></span> <em> <span class="s2">he</span> </em> <span class="s1"><em> feel like the teenager in this situation</em>?</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“<em>We-kissed-and-then-I-left.”</em></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> The sentence came out so rapidly, it sounded more like one long, indiscernible word. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Okay...” she trailed off</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Thankfully she seemed to have little to no reaction about that particular event, which he felt extremely grateful for. She did, however, want the rest of the story.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I pulled away. I got freaked out alright, Kel? It wasn’t my finest moment.”</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">He hung his head, no longer able to look his daughter in the eye. </span> <em> <span class="s2">Pathetic</span> </em> <span class="s1">. He felt the cushion dip beside him as she joined him on the couch.</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m guessing you haven’t talked to Lise this morning?” she asked, quietly.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, I haven’t.”</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“Dad, she wants to </span> <span class="s2">leave</span> <span class="s1">.”</span></p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span> <span class="s2">What</span> <span class="s1">?” his gaze shot back up in alarm, locking eyes with his daughter’s. </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I went to see her an hour ago to ask if she wanted breakfast or help getting dressed... When she let me in, I noticed her eyes looked red, as if she’d been crying.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">His heart sank to the pit of his stomach. He was right to think he didn’t deserve her. How was he any better than <em>Josh</em>? In fact, Josh had probably never hurt her the way he had. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I asked her what was wrong,” Kelly continued “She wouldn’t tell me. All she said was that she was sorry but she had to go, and that she wanted to ‘heal on her own’.”</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">He doubted she had meant heal from her </span> <span class="s2">physical</span> <span class="s1"> wounds. </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Kelly slipped her hand into his and squeezed it once in sympathy; something else he didn’t deserve. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What are you so afraid of?” She whispered.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s a complicated question.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s not, not really.”</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“I’m not a young man anymore, Kel. I’m a widower, for god sakes. I’m close to retirement, I’ll be getting the cabin built and then finally settling down. Lise is</span> <span class="s2"> just</span> <span class="s1"> getting started. She’s still so young.”</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why do you always act like you’re <em>ancient</em>?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He scoffed, halfheartedly. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“No, I’m serious. Doesn’t it matter what </span> <span class="s2">she</span> <span class="s1"> wants? Why do </span> <span class="s2">you</span> <span class="s1"> get to decide what’s best for her? It’s her life.”</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Cardinal filled his lungs, pushing them to the brink with oxygen before exhaling a long, slow breath. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“She’ll leave. If you don’t fix this, she’ll leave.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He knew she was right. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself. You can’t go on like this forever, Dad. You make all of these assumptions that you don’t deserve anything good in your life. You don’t let people love you. And yeah, it might be hard for you to accept, but it’s also hard for the people on the other side who are being vulnerable with you. It’s not an easy thing to do but Lise wants to. With </span> <span class="s2">you</span> <span class="s1">, her partner.”</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He was at a loss for words. His daughter was already <em>lightyears</em> away from him; wholeheartedly understanding things he was only just now learning himself. It wasn’t just Lise he had been closed off to, it was his child as well. Hearing the pain in his daughter’s  voice made him realize how much better he needed to be for the two people he cared most about in this world. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I love you, Kelly. I’m so sorry.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He could feel his throat getting tighter and his eyes began welling up with tears despite his best efforts. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I love you too, Daddy.” She whispered, and leaned her head on his shoulder, entwining her arm through his, holding on tightly.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He would fix this, all of it.</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“Do you love </span> <em> <span class="s2">her</span> </em> <span class="s1">?”</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I do.” He said, as a single tear rolled down his cheek, landing in his scruffy beard. He smudged at the wet trail with the back of his hand.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The confirmation had tumbled so effortlessly from his mouth, as if it had been right there all along, waiting on the tip his tongue for someone to just ask the question. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Then you need to tell her.” She said, assertively.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The women in his life truly were incredible.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Kelly kissed him on the cheek and got up without warning. He watched her traipse across the living room, heading back up the stairs.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He sat back, his head dropping heavily against the cushions. He couldn’t let Lise leave. <em>Why was he having such a hard time expressing his feelings to her?</em> He was a closed off person to practically everyone in his life but that was something he had never really struggled with, with Lise. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She knew who he was deep down inside and he never felt the need to pretend with her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sometimes, out of nowhere, a bout of grief would hit him like a freight and when it did, she was usually in his company. She would immediately sense a shift in the atmosphere as the heavy, melancholy settled around them though she never said a word. She would reach out turning the dial on the radio, switching it to his favourite station, knowing that was all the comfort she could give him. After a few minutes she would prattle on about why the specific genre of music wasn’t her cup of tea and he would find himself chuckling, no longer tearing at the seams.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">If he was angry, with a case, with a suspect or with himself, she would do mindless little things to ease the tension emanating off of him. It was always something different but effective just the same. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Once, at work after an interrogation had gone wrong, he returned to his desk and threw his jacket on, deciding to go for a walk to cool off, but in his hastiness he had thrust the zipper up too quickly, snagging it on a piece of fabric. She sat there, briefly watching him struggle before walking around her desk to join him. Without a word, she batted his hands away, and worked at the zipper herself, fiddling at it with her nimble fingers. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He watched her the whole time, taking advantage of her momentary distraction and he reveled at her patience, her determination in everything, big and small. He was near enough to smell her shampoo, a familiar scent that often lingered in his car or around their work space. It filled him with a sense of comfort, a familiarity that had the power to ground him. Having her practically pressed up against his chest had felt so right, as if she should have been right there all along. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sooner than he would have liked, he felt the release of his zipper and watched her ease it all the way up his midsection, her eyes slowly following suit. Her gaze eventually landed on his and when she smiled, it was contagious. Her pretty little dimples and freckles were more pronounced up close and it was hard not to stare. Her eyes were always captivating, normally dark, verging on black but looking at her then, really studying her, he could make out tiny flecks of gold imbedded in the coal of her irises and it just made sense to him that there was something so beautiful on display for all to see but somehow remained hidden from the rest of the world. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That was who she was; on the outside most people noticed her determination, feisty nature, and quick wittedness but up close, she was so warm and shy and full of light. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Eventually they were forced to break apart as Dyson yelled out new information she needed the two to follow up on. They quickly gathered their things and headed off for Cardinal’s cruiser. As they walked out of the building, side by side, into the freezing January air, he had completely forgotten the cause of his anger in the first place.</span>
</p><hr/><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Cardinal startled at the sound of the guest room door squeaking open and he watched as his partner slowly emerged, favouring her injuries to the best of her ability.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He sprung up from the couch but stayed put. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Lise.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She pressed her palm to the doorframe, leaning against it for balance and met his gaze with a blank expression on her face. It was a rare occurrence when he couldn’t discern her thoughts or feelings without having to ask.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Cardinal, we don’t need to do this. I’m <em>tired</em>. I’m leaving this afternoon. It isn’t working, okay? I appreciate everything but… <em>I just can’t.”</em></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1">Did she mean that </span> <span class="s2">they</span> <span class="s1"> weren’t working? What did that mean for the future? </span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Can we just talk? Please.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She shook her head and he could see how deeply tired she was. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t want you to leave.” He whispered, huskily.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The familiarity of those words weren’t lost on either one of them. He wished they could go back to that hotel in Toronto. He wished they hadn’t been interrupted. They wouldn’t be here, with her injured and heartbroken and him scared and confused. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They stood, staring at one another and his heart rate ticked upwards with every second left unspoken. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know.” she sighed, sadly</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He could tell by the tone of her voice that she was already resigned to leaving. Not just his home, but Algonquin Bay itself.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“John, I have to-” She waved in the general direction of the bathroom down the hall.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, of course.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Despite her intentions, she didn’t move an inch. She remained leaning against the door frame, eventually dropping her head to the side of it in defeat. Cardinal understood then that she couldn’t get there on her own. Not only was she exhausted, mentally and emotionally, but her body was waging its own war against her as well. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He moved in her direction, inching closer, not wanting to invade her space but also just enough to let her know he was there if she needed him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I can help?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The need to feel her against him was a stark, unbearable thing that made his heart clatter in his chest.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She studied him, reading him like a book and only after a few short seconds of silent deliberation, she gave in, nodding her consent. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“D’accord.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He shuffled into her space, standing close enough to feel her warm breath against his skin.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I got scared. I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She reached out for his hand, her small fingers wrapping lightly around his. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Let me fix it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Her head was still resting against the door jam, eyes downcast. He hated not being able to </span> <em> <span class="s2">see</span> </em> <span class="s1"> her. He wavered on whether or not he should touch her but he couldn’t help it, he tilted her chin upwards with his thumb and forefinger, returning her gaze to his. Fiery sparks of friction seemed to sizzle and burst between them the moment their eyes met.</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He smoothed his thumb over her lower lip. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t go.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“John..”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He tilted his forehead against hers, inhaling the rich, comforting scent of her perfume as her body drifted closer to his. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Fine then, she murmured, “are you going to kiss me or what?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They both smiled the second his lips claimed hers.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I honestly have no idea why this chapter took me so long to finish. I kept struggling, reworking, getting lost.. I really do hope it’s up to par after making you guys wait. Thank you to you special souls who read and review on a constant basis. My heart swells whenever I see a new comment. Also, if you guys ever have any prompts or requests, feel free to leave them down below, anonymous or not or DM me!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Stay</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I will preface this with what I’m sure to be disappointing news for you all.. there will be no smut in this chapter. I knooowww, I’m sorry! I’ve made you wait so long and for what?? But I promise you it’s a buildup to the good stuff and we will definitely be getting to that in the next chapter. Until then, I present to you, Chapter 16, Stay.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She felt him hesitate briefly before placing his hands on her hips. Her heart fluttered weightlessly at the feeling and she gently snaked her arms around his waist, digging her fingers into the back of his shirt in a less than subtle way of keeping him from slipping away again.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">His whole body seemed to relax as she tucked herself in tighter.</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">When the hand lingering at her hipbone began venturing tentatively up and under her tank top she</span> <span class="s1"> had to physically restrain herself from surging into him, pressing her tender upper body into the strong, desirable wall of his. </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">At some point, she'd started walking him backwards into the bedroom, her fingers toying at the drawstring of his sleep pants. He followed, spanning his large hands at her waist, his thumbs tracing the low jut of her pelvic bones. A small moan escaped the confines of her throat, and he he kissed her harder in an attempt to muffle the sound. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span><span class="s2"><em>Shhh, Kelly’s upstairs</em>.”</span> <span class="s1"> he reminded her, gently</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her chest flushed with embarrassment at how undone she already felt, though he quickly quelled her self consciousness with a gentlepush of his hard length against her stomach, proving that she <em>definitely</em> wasn’t alone in her feelings.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He hungrily sucked at her bottom lip, biting and soothing it gently with the warmth of his tongue. Lise appreciated that John was a very attentive kisser, starting out slow and deliberate and gradually over time escalating into something more eager and desperate. Her hands slid up his arms, twining carefully around his neck. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She tried to be gentler with her body this time around but the pain at her shoulder still twinged noticeably despite her best efforts. She pushed through it, knowing if she gave Cardinal any indication that she was suffering, he would put an end to what they had only just begun. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Lise hummed quietly when he fisted his hand into her hair and tugged, tilting her head back to grant himself deeper access to her mouth. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her tongue was hot and alive in his mouth, tracing, mapping, marking. He let his hands drift. The tips of his fingers skimmed the long line of her neck, across her bare shoulders, down her back. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sliding his mouth from hers, he feathered light kisses along the sharp line of her jaw, down the pale column of her throat, his rough beard grazing deliciously across her sensitive skin. She sighed his name.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1">His name, he thought, had never sounded so good.</span></em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Pulling back to look at her, taking in her hooded gaze, pupils flooded with arousal, his stomach flipped. John had forgotten how it felt to be touched by someone who genuinely wanted him. He forgot the way it felt to move in tandem with another body, just as eager and willing as his own. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“<em>Je te veux</em>.” she whispered</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Cardinal couldn’t speak french but he liked to think he was more than fluent in the language of his partner, knowing her well enough to understand the category her words fit into, solely by the timbre of her voice. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">He dipped his head back down to her neck, lips painting a slow line of wet kisses from her ear to the hollow of her throat while his </span> <span class="s1">hands continued their exploration of her clothed body, trekking over every inch.</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Lise took advantage of the moment, snaking out her tongue to taste the skin behind his ear. He groaned against her shoulder. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She was trying to kill him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Come here.” He murmured, huskily, bringing her mouth back up to his. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She reveled in the way his lips pressed softlyagainst hers and the air in her lungs quickly grew heavy with the heady aroma of his cologne.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Does this mean you’re staying?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He hoped he sounded a little less desperate than he suddenly felt. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She turned in his arms, eyes full of concern at his sudden change in demeanour. Resting her hands gently at his cheeks, she stroked her thumb lightly under his eye.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Only if you make me breakfast.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She smiled shyly, the corners of her eyes crinkling with sincerity. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1"><em>God, he was so far gone.</em> </span> <span class="s1"><em>Irrevocably</em>. <em>Hopelessly</em>. </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She tugged him lower so she could press her lips tenderly to his brow. He was clutching her too tightly, he knew that, crushing her slight frame to his chest, overwhelmed with the ferocity of his feelings for her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">She didn’t speak, just let him hold her, running her hands up and down his back. She knew that he was deep in thought so she let him be. Finally, <span class="s1">he exhaled, forcing his arms to relax around her. </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you like blueberry pancakes?” </span>
</p><hr/><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Lise’s life quickly fell into a steady routine and while much different than the one she was used to, she was happy to have regained some sense of normalcy. Cardinal returned to work, part-time on a probationary period, stuck on desk duty and hating every minute of it. Kelly went to school for a good portion of the day but was home for the afternoon and evenings, making it difficult for Lise and Cardinal to have any real alone time together. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Though, Lise couldn’t deny that Kelly’s presence was</span> <span class="s1">a <em>godsend</em>, especially when it came to things Lise refused to allow Cardinal to help out with, like helping her get dressed and bandage changes.</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Now that the muscles in Lise’s shoulder were healed for the most part, she had begun physical therapy and although her lungs were still healing, which kept her from doing anything that made her breathing increase, she was at least able to start rebuilding her physical strength, one step closer to getting her badge back. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">The downside to physical therapy, though, was that it tired her out and she was definitely feeling the results of that day’s session. Her chest hurt and her left arm was exhausted to the point that she couldn’t </span> <span class="s1">get her hoodie off. Kelly had Friday night plans with a friend so Cardinal was her only option. He never wanted to step on her toes so he let her do what she thought she could handle on her own, and she really did make an effort not to protest when he needed to step in to help her.</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Helping her undress, however, was not something that had become part of his job description. She wouldn’t mind if it was... but he seemed hesitant to initiate anything just yet. Lise figured he was probably waiting for her to make the first move. <em>Typical</em>.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey, John?” she called from her room, knowing he was just down the hall, fiddling with the recently broken down washing machine.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He appeared momentarily in the doorway, dressed in sweatpants and a henley, the sleeves pushed up to his elbows to fend off any grease stains. He was wiping his hands off on a used rag and she wondered briefly if he was aware of the bit of grease smeared adorably across his cheek...</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You okay?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mhm, it’s just… my arm hurts and I can't get it out of the sleeve.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He took a tentative step towards her, unsure of what she was actually asking him to do. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I just need you to help me take it off.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Uh, okay,” He agreed, sitting down at the edge of the bed and taking hold of her sweatshirt.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He carefully helped free her arm, revealing the tank top she was wearing underneath and he couldn’t keep his eyes from zeroing in on the bullet wound. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Kelly had removed her bandages yesterday so Cardinal was seeing her scar for the very first time. Before he realized what he was doing, he reached out, gently tracing his finger along it, from just beneath her collar bone to the top of her breast. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Lise gazed up at him and was surprised by the his serious expression. It was clear that he was reliving the ordeal again, and her features softened as she placed her hand over his where it still rested on her chest.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“John,” she murmured, trying to ignore the location of his hand and the less than subtle throbbing between her legs. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We got through it, yeah? I’m fine.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">“Sorry,” he said suddenly, as he realized what he was doing and pulled his hand away, “I just... <span class="s1">it was close, wasn’t it?"</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It was,” she agreed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It scared her, when she thought about it in depth so she tried her best to push it from her mind.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I thought I’d lost you.” he admitted, his voice raspier than only moments before.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re stuck with me.” she assured him. “Though, ‘dis whole recovery bit sucks.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her accent was thick and it made him smile. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How was therapy?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He knew she didn’t love to talk about it, didn’t like feeling weak, a notion that seemed ridiculous to Cardinal. He thought she just might be one of the strongest people he knew. It was clear that that afternoon’s session had been a difficult one.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Terrible,” she answered honestly, “My arm is still giving me a hard time but he kept trying to have me raise it all the way up... it felt like a knife slicing through my chest.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Does it still?”</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">She shook her head, “</span> <span class="s1">Non, just a dull ache, as long as I don't move it. This morning it didn't hurt at all,” she grumbled “Now the pain is back and I just want it gone."</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I wish there was something I could do” Cardinal replied, sincerely</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Lise couldn’t help but smile when he said things like that; things that showed her how much he truly cared for her. Every day spent at his house had given her a glimpse of what <em>could</em> be if they both decided to go all in, and now she was finding it difficult to remember even one of the various excuses she had ever come up with for why it wouldn’t work.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I wish you could too,” she whispered, meeting his eyes</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you need anything?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He knew the pain would be there no matter what but he had to try anyways.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She shook her head, “I should try to get some sleep. I haven’t been getting very much these days.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Okay, well I'll, uh... I’ll be down the hall if you need anything.”</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Cardinal stood and headed for the door but as she watched him walk away, she realized that there </span> <span class="s2">might actually be one </span><span class="s1">thing he could do for her. </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“John?" she called out and watched him return to the doorway</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“There actually might be... something… I think it could help,” she stammered</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He waited, tentatively.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Will you stay with me?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">His eyebrows rose to an almost comical level and she stifled the grin threatening to spread across her face.</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“Uh-“ he scratched his beard, ears waggling nervously, </span>“I-In here... with you?" he managed.</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oui,” she responded, quietly. Suddenly she felt quite shy. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> <em>What if he didn’t want to?</em> </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s just... my shoulder hurts too much to sleep and I... having you here might keep my mind off of it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1"> <em> <span class="s2">And every time you're near me I feel better,</span> </em> <span class="s1"> she added in her head.</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sure,” he agreed. “Let me just turn off the valve in the laundry room and clean up a bit first. I'll be right back."</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Five minutes later, Lise was curled up on her uninjured side, struggling to find a comfortable position, and Cardinal was laying stiffly on the edge of the bed, completely unsure of what to do with his long limbs. He was acting as if they hadn’t made out like teenagers twice before.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">When she asked him to stay, he had assumed she meant ‘sit on the edge of the bed and talk for a while until I fall asleep’, not ‘crawl under the covers with me for the night’. He wasn’t complaining, not in the least, he just didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable or cross any sort of line they hadn’t yet reached.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“John, I don't have my gun on me,” she teased, nudging him with her foot.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I...”</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Cardinal was thoroughly flustered. He couldn’t remember how he’d had the balls to kiss her when just lying next to her in bed felt so nerve-wracking. How would he ever survive anything more? </span> <em><span class="s2">If</span> <span class="s1"> there ever was anything more...</span></em></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Just come here,” Lise demanded, in a huff.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He turned to face her and she scooted towards him, leaning her forehead against his chest. Tentatively, he wrapped an arm around her and she snuggled in closer in response. This seemed to be all the reassurance that he needed for she suddenly found herself enveloped in his arms, one under her head like a pillow and the other tightly around her waist, pulling her close.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is this okay?” he whispered, hesitantly</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She nodded against his chest. “Oui.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I'm not hurting you?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Non.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Okay.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Night, John.” Lise murmured after a few moments.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He couldn’t stop himself from pressing a kiss to the top of her head when he responded,</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Goodnight, Lise.”</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">And as she drifted off to sleep, Cardinal lay there savoring the feeling of finally, </span> <span class="s2"><em>finally</em>,</span> <span class="s1"> falling asleep with her in his arms.</span></p><hr/><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Waking up next to Lise Delorme for the first time was not at all how Cardinal had imagined it to be. Granted, in most of his fantasies she was naked and their relationship status was a little bit more cemented, but even so, none of those compared to the feeling that overtook him as he woke. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She was still curled up in his arms, breathing softly. Her good arm was clinging to the front of his shirt, her fingers fisting the material and their feet were tangled up together. She looked so peaceful and relaxed. In that moment, Cardinal felt more content than he had in years and vowed to do everything in his power to ensure that this wasn’t the last time he would wake up with her.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">When Lise woke a few minutes later, she was glad to see that it was light outside; it meant for the first time since her surgery she had slept without waking in pain in the middle of the night. She quickly became aware of her partner’s strong arms wrapped around her and his head resting against hers. She cuddled in even closer, seeking warmth. He raised his head and she looked up to find him gazing down at her. His hair was adorably mussed, even more so than usual and she couldn’t help but smile. He just looked so darn cute.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey,” he said, huskily, mirroring her smile.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> Her hair was tangled and her cheeks were flushed a bright, rosy pink.She looked beautiful.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Bonjour.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How are you feeling?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Better.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Lise carefully straightened her left arm. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It doesn't hurt very much.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Did you sleep okay?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She smiled sheepishly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“For the first time in a long while.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Me too.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Really?” she asked, surprised by his confession </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah. I have... bad dreams sometimes. I think you might have kept them at bay.”</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">She blushed, feeling more than pleased.</span> <span class="s1">She thought waking up together might feel awkward or possibly even push her partner further away again, but that didn’t seem to be the case. They may have spent the night in each other's arms, but the easy, comfortable foundation of their relationship remained. </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Cardinal’s arms stayedwrapped around her, although his grip had loosened when she moved, but she was in no hurry to go anywhere. He made a fantastic pillow.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What time is it?” she asked, after a couple of minutes during which they had snuggled back into each other.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Just after eight I think.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Lise held out his wrist, double checking his watch.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What time did Kelly say she was coming home?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Nine,” he replied. "We should probably get up before she gets here."</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mhm.” Lise agreed</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">However, neither moved and it wasn’t until Kelly showed up forty-five minutes later that they even realized they had fallen back to sleep.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The sound of her unlocking the door was enough to rouse Cardinal, who quickly rolled out of bed. He was debating fleeing to the bathroom or hiding in the closet when Lise spoke up, groggily. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Just stay.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He whipped around. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Just-” she gingerly sat up, propping the pillows behind her, and leaned back against the headboard. “Just… sit here and act like we've been talking.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He glanced at the open door again, wondering if it was the right thing to do. He knew his daughter was more than supportive of his feelings for Lise but seeing her father in the room with his partner in bed might be... too much. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He didn’t have enough time to mull it over any further so he hurried back, hopping onto the bed, leaving a couple feet between himself and Lise.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The moment he was situated, his daughter knocked at the open door.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “Lise?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yep,” she called, hoping they both appeared less flustered than they felt</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How was your ni- oh, Dad!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Kelly glanced between the two of them.</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“What are </span> <span class="s2">you</span> <span class="s1"> doing here?”</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We were just talking-,” he blurted out as he clambered off the bed</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">His daughter raised her eyebrows.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Actually, we were just discussing breakfast,” Lise added, easily. “Have you eaten yet?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Nope.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Omelettes?” Cardinal asked, as he passed Kelly in the doorway, fleeing the room and  with it, the conversation. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She closed the door behind him.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You know, for a Detective, he’s not very subtle.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I was in a lot of pain and your Dad was just distracting me with some work talk, that’s all.” Lise replied, knowing herself to be a much more convincing liar than her partner.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Y’know, staying here,” she continued without hesitation. “It's made me realize how much I like spending time with the two of you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Us too." Kelly offered, softly with a smile</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Come,” Lise said, patting the spot her father had just deserted “Tell me about the movie!”</span>
</p><hr/><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Later that evening, Cardinal was heading to the kitchen for a glass of water when he spotted Lise standing by the big picture window, looking out at the forest, blanketed in a thick layer of freshly fallen snow. After finishing his drink, he quietly joined her, taking in the view he’d come to know and love so well.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It's so pretty at night,” she said softly, her eyes never leaving the window.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It is,” He agreed, his gaze locked on his partner.</span>
</p><p class="p1">They fell into their easy companionable silence, only breaking it when Lise let out a quiet sigh and moved to lean against the sill.</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You okay?” John asked concernedly.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“My back is sore,” she replied, “I spend all ‘dis time sitting and laying down in ways that don't hurt my left side... it's not good for the rest of my body.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I can get you the heating pad?” he asked.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She shook her head, “No, no. I’ll be fine.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Or I could... uh, give you a back rub.” he added, the offer seeming to slip from his mouth of its own accord, surprising the both of them.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Lise hadn’t had a massage in ages and she couldn’t deny that the offer was very appealing. Especially coming from the man in front of her.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"If you’re serious," she nodded.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Really?” he stammered, before attempting to cover up his shock. “It, uh- it won't hurt you?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She shook her head. “It shouldn't.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Okay...” Cardinal wasn’t really sure how to go about this. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Just let me go put on my pyjamas first,” Lise suggested.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Right, okay.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">While Lise headed for her room, Cardinal decided to change into his pyjamas too, knowing that he would probably be heading to bed when he was finished. Once he had changed and brushed his teeth, he went back to the living room to wait.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He was just about to go check on her when he heard her call out for him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“John?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Huh?” he asked, standing, heading for the hallway. Her door was open and he tentatively entered her room, gesturing towards the living room. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I was waiting for you out there.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Lise was sitting on the bed wearing a t-shirt and yoga pants, clearly intending for him to join her in her room. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I figured I might not want to move afterwards,”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Cardinal hadn’t really considered the logistics of this, but he knew that she couldn’t lie on her stomach and he had no intention of making her sit on the floor... </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"Uh, how do you want to do this?" he asked as he made his way towards her bed.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If I sit here and turn around can you just sit on the edge of the bed?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sure.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He took his place on the bed behind her, tucking one leg underneath him and leaving the other dangling off the edge.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The air was thick with tension, a heavy, desirable kind that seemed to have a heartbeat of its own.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I am,” she assured him.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Okay… your hair- do you, uh, have a hair tie?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She pulled one off her wrist, handing it to him.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He began to gently gather her hair into a low ponytail. Lise hadn’t really given much thought to the potential intimacy of the situation, but as he finger-combed her hair, she felt herself relax, leaning into his touch. Once he had secured her hair, he rested his hands lightly on her upper arms. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’ll tell me if anything hurts?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Okay.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Cardinal gently rubbed his hands up and down her back, careful to avoid putting too much pressure on her injured shoulder blade. As expected, she inhaled sharply when he ran his hand over it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“<em>Aïe, aïe!”</em></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I thought so,” he said, apologetically, carefully running his fingertips around the area to see how far the pain extended. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Anywhere else?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Just the very top of that shoulder.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Okay.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">With that, he resumed, gently massaging the muscles along her spine, trying to ignore the racing of his heart and the sweatiness of his palms that the entire situation was causing. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Meanwhile Lise was working hard to hold</span> <span class="s1"> back each and every moan her partner was summoning with his fingers.</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Twenty minutes later, Lise had her forehead leaning against the headboard and her eyelids were drooping heavily.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How's it feeling?” he asked, letting his hands fall to his lap</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Much better,” she said sleepily.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I'd keep going but my fingers are old and probably arthritic at this point,” he sighed in jest</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"S'okay, I’m tired," Lise mumbled, attempting to pull back the covers.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Cardinal reached out to help her and she snuggled into bed right away, her eyes already closed. He gently pulled the blankets up the rest of the way, tucking her in. He didn’t  really want to leave her but she also hadn’t asked him to stay. Just as he was about to head to his own room, her hand snaked up and grabbed his wrist. That was all the invitation he needed. He gently climbed into bed next to her and, like the previous night, Lise wasted no time in cuddling up to him. Hardly daring to believe that this was happening again, John once again wrapped her up in his arms, this time placing a kiss to her cheek before he settled into the pillows. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“<em>Je t'aime.</em>” She whispered, her words were slurry with sleep. </span>
</p><p class="p1">He felt his body go rigid at the soft, barely discernible<span class="s1"> French phrase he just so happened to be familiar with.</span></p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1"> Had his partner just unknowingly admitted her love for him?</span> </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Geeeez this one took me a while. I really am sorry for the wait! I just want to say how enamoured I am with all of your stories and I’m more than invested in each and every one of them... ❤️ Y’all are so talented it’s ridiculous. Teach me your ways.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. You’re Not Tired, Are You?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The time has come... and yes, I just prefaced this with a smutty pun.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He couldn’t stop thinking about kissing her, leaning down without preamble to capture her lips. He thought about the way his body would feel beneath hers and how his hands would dwarf her little waist... He thought about the sounds she would make as he thrust up into her, her tight walls contracting around him, pulling him in deeper as his chest heaved against her breasts... his name escaping her mouth in the form of a long and drawn out moan..</p><p>He could go on and on. He did, in his mind.</p><p>His train of thought ran rampant with images of her and every little thing he wanted to do to her. Did it make him feel like a bit of a creep? Yeah, of course it did but she was also giving him signals, signs that she felt the same way. Yet Cardinal was still left feeling confused. It seemed he and his partner had found themselves in a bit of an unusual limbo. The occasional kissing and cuddling they’d engaged in earlier on in their... <em>arrangement</em>, had effectively muddled the boundaries. Now, he was sleeping in her bed and she was touching him constantly... He just wasn’t sure which lines he was allowed cross or when, making him hesitant to cross any at all.</p><hr/><p>The two were curled up on the couch that evening watching a movie together - or at least the movie was <em>on</em>, but neither of them were paying much attention to it... Cardinal was more focused on her warm body pressed up against him. At some point his arm had found its way around her shoulder and not long after that her hand slid into his. Now, her fingers circled the whorls of his palm as she tried her very best to stay awake.</p><p>Her head grew heavier on his chest and he knew she was having a difficult time keeping her eyes open. Every once in a while, he would kiss the top of her head and she would nudge herself in just a little bit closer. By the time the movie finished, Lise had lost her battle with wakefulness. She looked so peaceful, he didn’t want to wake her but Kelly would be coming home soon and they both desperately needed sleep. He gently squeezed her shoulders and she opened her eyes, looking up at him groggily as everything came back into focus.</p><p>"J<em>e suis désolé..</em>." she mumbled, scrubbing at her eyes with the back of her hand, "I didn't realize I fell asleep."</p><p>"It's okay. You looked comfortable," Cardinal said, "I was too, actually. I didn't want to wake you, but it's, uh, getting pretty late."</p><p>She peered down at his watch, surprised to see that it was almost midnight.</p><p>"Mmm, you’re right. We should go to bed."</p><p>
  <em> We? Did she mean together.. in the same bed?</em>
</p><p>Cardinal worked hard to mask any sort of reaction he may have had and stood up, holding out his hands to help her up, gently pulling her into his arms. They stood there for almost a minute, both completely relaxed and content and it was then that Cardinal wondered when she had become such an integral part of his life. <em>What moment had Lise become so important to him that he now felt as if he couldn’t live without her?</em> Logically, he knew he <em>could</em> live without her, but he didn’t <em>want</em> to. He didn’t even want to imagine what that life might look like...</p><p>Every day Cardinal could actively feel himself opening up to her, little by little he let himself lose control. He allowed himself to lean all the way in to their relationship and he could tell she was so much happier for it.</p><p>
  <em>Fuck, he loved the way she fit in his arms.</em>
</p><p>"Come to bed with me." she murmured into his chest.</p><p>He pulled back, separating their bodies slightly, but kept their hands where they were. Looking down into her eyes, he watched her pupils slowly flood the dark brown of her irises and he leaned in to kiss her, gently. He felt her arms carefully slide up around his neck and he pulled her in closer. She parted her lips slightly, the warmth of her tongue quickly met his and it was as if everything else faded away. Nothing really mattered as they lost themselves in the overwhelming spark of electricity that began with their mouths and spread eagerly throughout their bodies.</p><p>She pulled him towards her bedroom and he followed, willingly. Lise excused herself to get changed and when she returned Cardinal was exactly where she had left him, standing in the middle of the room, looking lost. That was, until he saw her, saw what she was wearing - or more aptly, was <em>not</em> wearing. She stood before him in only black lacy panties and a sheer tank top, sans bra.</p><p>Lise smiled, shyly, “You're not tired are you?" The tone of her voice was seductive and teasing and he couldn't help but close the distance between them.</p><p>"No. I’m uh.. I’m wide awake, Delorme."</p><p>"<em>Bien</em>."</p><p>She stood on her tiptoes to kiss him. It started out slow and passionate but quickly gained momentum as they gravitated closer to one another. She slid her arms around his waist and pulled him in. Cardinal felt a white hot heat spread rapidly through his veins at the increased contact. When they finally tore their lips apart, Lise drank him in with an intensity that made him feel naked, and although he knew she could see it shimmering there, hiding poorly behind his gaze, he spoke the words anyways.</p><p>"<em>I </em><em>love you, Lise</em>," </p><p>He heard her breath catch, quietly.</p><p>Saying it out loud warmed his heart in a way he was wholly unprepared for. It took her a moment before she was able to respond, her own eyes shimmering with emotion.</p><p>"I love you too, John... but you already knew that.”</p><p>He mirrored her smile, as he recalled her words from the previous evening.</p><p>He saw a playful glint in her eyes and she lifted her head to whisper in his ear.</p><p>"Now, you can <em>show</em> me."</p><p>Her mouth met his again for a deep, tender kiss, as she worked to tug off his shirt. As soon as she was able to, she slid it over his head and tossed it to the side, kissing his newly exposed chest. Her hands ran from his shoulders to his back, causing goosebumps to surface. She ran her finger across every scar and bruise, tracing the damaged skin so reverently his heart stuttered. She moved lower and lower before reaching his waist, finally coming to tug at the drawstring of his sweatpants. He helped push them down to his ankles and kicked them off to the side.</p><p>Now that he was wearing nothing but his boxer briefs, she gazed appreciatively at his body and Cardinal felt his cheeks warm. He tipped her chin back up, pulled her in for another kiss, more than ready to undress her with the same gentle care. He dragged her tank top over her head, eyes drawn to her uncovered breasts, her taut nipples beckoning him. He cupped both breasts, running his thumb over one tip while leaning down to take the other in his mouth, sucking softly at the hardened bud.</p><p>Lise’s head fell back with a quiet moan. The sound caused heat to coil tight in his belly and he quickly pulled the waistband of her panties over her ass and down her legs. She was completely naked in front of him, an incredibly vulnerable act and he made sure to remind her of his love for her as he kissed her thoroughly, walking her backwards towards the bed. He laid her down gently, her legs hung off the side before he lifted them over his shoulders and Lise held her breath in anticipation.</p><p>He didn’t want to waste a single moment, didn’t feel the need to tease or play. He just wanted to make her feel good. She gasped when the flat of his tongue connected with her center, drawing the wetness from deep inside her up to her swollen clit.</p><p>"<em>You taste so good</em>."</p><p>His candid words, combined with his constant attention, only served to increase her arousal. Cardinal alternately nipped, sucked, and licked at her, all with the perfect amount of pressure. She lifted her hips into him, eager for as much as he would give, humming quietly. When he added his hands, spreading her apart with one and slowly inserting two fingers from the other, she exhaled his name. In response, he deftly curled his fingers, pressing against the spongy interior of her walls, and worked her zealously with his mouth.</p><p>"<em>I…I'm…John, I'm…</em>"</p><p>Her inner muscles were starting to clench but he didn't slow down, not until she began to release around him. He drew his face away, driven by a fierce need watch her first orgasm, to watch what he was capable of doing to her. It was beautiful. <em>She</em> was beautiful. Her back arched up off the bed, the taut muscles of her stomach contracting with each spasm. She tugged her swollen bottom lip between her teeth, biting down on it hard and he watched as the pretty pink flesh blanched with the pressure. He brought her down slowly with his fingers, still gently moving inside her. When her breathing finally evened out, he kissed his way up her body and hovered above her as their eyes met.</p><p>"You're beautiful."</p><p>She gripped the back of his head and pulled him towards her, tasting herself on him. With her tongue deep in his mouth, she reached down to palm him through his boxers and his hips jerked into her. He groaned, desperate for more. Cardinal rolled off of her long enough to remove the last barrier between them and before he could move back into place, she straddled his hips, wrapping her thin fingers around the base of his cock, she rubbed his tip teasingly through her folds, toying with the both of them.</p><p>“<em>Lise</em>-“</p><p>Unwilling, or unable, to keep him waiting any longer, she eased her body down onto him until he was buried deep inside her heat. They both breathed deeply as she braced her hands on his chest, rocking back and forth, letting him slide almost entirely out of her before taking him deep again, spreading her legs further apart at his hips. Lise closed her eyes and he gave her a moment to adjust. She was <em>incredibly</em> tight and Cardinal was... <em>well endowed</em>. He imagined she could feel every ridge, his tip stroking the very heart of her.</p><p>She began to speed up, and Cardinal watched her with wonder in his eyes; he couldn’t help but appreciate how desperately she was trying to swallow the moans that would have undoubtedly filled the room had his daughter not been home. He circled her clit with his middle finger, the tiniest of strokes having the greatest of consequences. Her movements became messy as she lost control, trying and failing to keep her eyes open, to watch him watching her. She came with a violent shudder, her body clenching tightly around his with a primal instinct to hold him where she needed him most. As Lise fell forward, he grabbed her hips, her ass, did his best to maintain some sort of rhythm to prolong her orgasm.</p><p>He roughly thrust up into her, again and again and she bit down painfully into the flesh of his shoulder to muffle her cries. His hand flew up to cradle her head there, dragging his fingers through her tangled locks, he massaged her scalp. Soothed her. The spasms eventually subsided and he took the opportunity to roll them over, pressed her body deep into the mattress with his own. He wasn't going to last much longer, he knew that but he wanted to be as physically connected to her as he possibly could be. She brought her legs up around the back of his thighs and used her muscles to pull him even closer.</p><p>"I want to feel you come inside me."</p><p>He slowed down long enough to make sure she was certain, looking deep into her eyes. She nodded reassuringly and he kissed her before lowering his head to her ear. He was practically silent when he came, only whispering her name in rhythm with his release. He thrust twice more before spilling his release into her. Her body milked him for everything he was worth and he kissed her shoulder before shifting his weight off of her, slumping beside her. They lay there in the dark, panting, bodies slick with sweat, until he finally broke the silence.</p><p>“I should have told you how I felt a long time ago...”</p><p>She remained quiet for what felt like forever. Her body responded first, curling into the safe haven of his, burying her nose against the dark downy hairs of his chest. He wrapped his arms protectively around her. Already he could feel a primal sort of possessiveness begin to take hold of him. He wanted to keep her safe from... <em>everything</em> while also knowing full well that she was perfectly capable of looking after herself.</p><p>Finally she spoke.</p><p>“It doesn’t matter... none of that matters anymore, John. Just this. <em>Us</em>.”</p><hr/><p>Lise awoke the next morning to the feeling of warm fingers tracing mindless patterns across her back. Opening her eyes, she found her face inches away from his. She pulled back slightly and took note that Cardinal's eyes were shut but he was smiling. He felt her move and opened his eyes.</p><p>"Morning," she said softly.</p><p>"Morning," he replied, huskily, confused by the expression on her face.</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"You were smiling," Lise said.</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>“But.. you aren’t a morning person.”</p><p>He laughed, "Apparently I am now... all it took was you.”</p><p>Lise felt herself flush and prayed he couldn’t see her reddened cheeks. "I doubt ‘dat," she said skeptically.</p><p>She should have known better; her partner never missed a thing.. Gently, he reached out and ran his finger across her rosy, heated cheeks but never teased her.</p><p>“How did you sleep?"</p><p>"Mmm. <em>Very</em> well," she replied. “You?"</p><p>"Me too," he said, pausing heavily before adding, “You’re... <em>good</em> for me, Lise."</p><p>She gazed up at him then, his words hit her harder than expected. He’d said those three beautiful words she’d longed to hear him say the night before but hearing him admit that she was good for him felt so much more... <em>ironclad</em> to her. It was like he was telling her she was meant to be there, with him. Meant to be in his life in <em>this</em> capacity. That it was always supposed to have been this way between them.</p><p>She felt Cardinal tuck a few flyaway hairs escaping her messy bun behind her ear and she smiled.</p><p>“Do I have bed head?”</p><p>“Yeah. You make it look good though.”</p><p>Lise slid her leg in between his and he pulled her closer.</p><p>“Do you, uh, want to have a shower?” His voice was still low and gravelly with sleep and carried the signature husk it always did but it was the words with which he spoke that quickly travelled down her body, settling directly between her thighs with a familiar and pleasurable ache.</p><p>“Together?”</p><p>“Mhm, if you want to...”</p><p>“What about Kelly?”</p><p>“I’d wager she’s still asleep and will be for a while. It’s still early. We can use my ensuite bathroom.”</p><p>“Mm, oka-“</p><p>“Are you still sore?” he interrupted, suddenly</p><p>Lise slowly shifted in his arms, testing her body’s limits. She <em>was</em> sore, in more places than one, but the majority had nothing to do with her injury and everything to do with their... <em>activities</em> from the previous evening.</p><p>“Oui. A bit..” She said, without elaborating any further.</p><p>"I, uh... have a pretty big bathtub...” Cardinal murmured, slowly getting up from the bed, offering his hand to her.</p><p>She took it, quirking an eyebrow at him as she got up too and followed him down the darkened hall, through his bedroom, to the bathroom. He felt her falter and turned to look at her, finding awe spread across her face as she took in the large jacuzzi.</p><p>“Wow, <em>c'est magnifique!</em>” she whispered</p><p>“I- well, I installed it a few years ago... mostly for the harsh winters but it hasn’t gotten much use.”</p><p>He dropped her hand to begin filling the bathtub and also, to give them both a minute to process what was about to happen. Sleeping together was one thing - <em>one beautiful, incredibly meaningful thing</em>, but bathing together had the potential to be something <em>much more</em> intimate.</p><p>The touch of cool hands at his waist, inside of his t-shirt, made him startle and he bit down hard on his tongue. Her fingers slid up his chest to lightly circle his nipples.</p><p>"We should <em>definitely</em> make good use of it then..."</p><p>He somehow managed to turn around, yearning to crush his mouth to hers, but first he felt the need to voice some concerns that had been weighing heavily on him since the moment he woke.</p><p>"Lise...”</p><p>She lifted up on her tiptoes, her breasts crushed against his chest, their hips and thighs and stomachs pressed together.</p><p>"Now that you know how I uh, feel... I- I just... I want to <em>be</em> with you, Lise, if that’s something you want... and I probably won’t be any good at it, I’ll mess things up. I’ll-“</p><p>She brought her palms up to cup his cheeks.</p><p>"<em>Chut, arrête</em>. John, you think I don’t know that?" she interrupted, raising an eyebrow, a small smile on her face.</p><p>He was finding it absolutely futile to resist her any longer and so he leaned in to press a kiss to her lips. She immediately surged into him, slicking her tongue alongside his, making him groan softly into her mouth. She pulled back, clutching at his shoulders.</p><p>“I'm not all ‘dat great at relationships either, John, as you may recall..” she trailed off and he held back a smirk at the thought of Josh, Mr. ‘<em>You Don’t Look That Old</em>’...</p><p>“But we can figure it out together, like we’ve done everything else, <em>non</em>?”</p><p>Cardinal nodded, still feeling somewhat uncertain.</p><p>"Good." She grinned into his mouth as her fingers toyed at the buttons of his shirt.</p><p>He peeled her own up over her head and dropped his mouth to the soft skin of her breast, kissing her dusky nipple.</p><p>John broke away to turn off the faucet and stripped off the rest of his clothes, stepping into the bathtub and hissing through his teeth at the scalding water. He sunk down slowly, and when it was bearable, leaned back against the cool slope of porcelain, resting his arms against the lip of the bathtub on either side of him, trying to look unassuming. The gorgeous woman in front of him slowly peeled off her panties and and stepped into the water with him. Apparently the temperature was nothing she wasn’t used to because she didn’t even have to take a moment, she just sunk all the way down and settled into the cradle of his thighs.</p><p>Head falling back to rest in the curve where his neck met his shoulder, Lise’s eyes slowly slipped shut. Soft, pliant lips spread into a slow smile and she hummed, wriggling a little as if to get more comfortable. So devastatingly beautiful that he couldn’t hold off any longer, he brought one palm around to nudge under her arm and span wide across her stomach, holding her close against him. With the other, he touched two fingers to her jaw to turn her face a little more into him and dusted his mouth over hers. When their kiss broke around her smile, she brought her knees up to her chest and shifted to the side, practically curling into his lap. Her grin met the hard edge of his jaw as she buried her face against him, suddenly timid.</p><p>“This is..."</p><p>"Mmm." He murmured, agreeing wordlessly while kissing whatever skin he could reach.</p><p>It was <em>a lot</em> of newness to take in within a twenty-four hour timespan but he found it all still felt... familiar. <em>She</em> was familiar. He kissed her cheek before his mouth slipped down to the length of her throat, over the graceful curve of her shoulder. Lise nodded against his chest, her fingers playing with his.</p><p>"You feel so good.”</p><p>"You do too." He mumbled against her, knowing she must feel the hardness of him pressing into her lower back.</p><p>Even with the touch of their naked skin, her body so smooth against his, a slight panic clutched at his rib cage and he forced himself to remember that it was okay to be happy.</p><p>Getting to her knees in the bathtub, Lise straddled him, cradled his face in her palms, and pushed the warm wetness of her tongue into his mouth. He opened for her, let her thoroughly convince him that he was right. Her hand snaked down to find him hard and wanting, her nimble fingers caressed him over and over. When he groaned and nudged his forehead into hers she hummed in response, peeling one of his hands away from her waist to guide him up to her breast. It was all the hint he needed; he rolled her nipple between his thumb and forefinger, dropping his lips to her other breast, scattering kisses to the flesh where she was swollen with desire before taking her into his mouth again.</p><p>The whimper that spilled out of her was even more incredible than he could have expected and he slid his other hand down her body, seeking out the slick heat of her. Cardinal circled his thumb over her clit and smiled against her breast when she jerked, pressing a little harder until she keened.</p><p>"John, <em>please</em>." She whimpered and wrapped her hand around him before lifting up on her knees to sink down onto him.</p><p>He had to hold his breath, his eyes screwed tightly shut. It was difficult to remember a time where didn’t know what it felt like to be inside of her like this. <em>How had he coped?</em></p><p>Her hips met his and Lise clutched at his shoulder, her other hand cupped his cheek to guide his mouth towards hers. It was tender and sweet and exactly the sort of kiss he had been wanting to give her for such a long time. Lise lifted up and slowly sunk back down onto him again, warm and lovely and so good. The water sloshed gently around them and he marvelled at how the water made her practically buoyant against him. She squeezed her internal muscles around him and he jolted hard, his hips crashing up into hers.</p><p>“<em>Fuck</em>-“</p><p>"-<em>John</em>.."</p><p>They spoke over top of one another as she laced her arms around his neck, riding his lap lazily. Unhurried and magnificent, the way she moved with him was perfect. Her nose rested against his cheek and her hot breath curled beneath his jaw. This thing between them was so rich with meaning. It was all consuming.</p><p>"Tell me again."</p><p>He didn’t need context, he knew exactly what she wanted. </p><p>"<em>I love you</em>."</p><p>“<em>Mmm</em>..”</p><p>Cardinal’s hands slipped up and down her spine and he crushed her to his chest, feeling the first spirals of release unfurl slowly in his gut.</p><p>“<em>I love you.</em>”</p><p>"<em>Mm, yes. Kiss me.</em>"</p><p>He did, he pressed his mouth roughly against hers and she ground herself down just a little harder onto him. Her movements became sloppier with less rhythm to them, and when Cardinal snaked his hand down to circle her clit again, she mewled.</p><p>“<em>Harder</em>."</p><p>He used his thumb for pressure and with the lift of his hips into hers and the force of his kiss all at once, she came, sucking his earlobe into her mouth as she did and he growled, low and needy. She carried on moving for him until his own release came, potent and powerful. He kissed her neck as his body spasmed. Once emptied and exhausted, he relaxed back against porcelain, warm with the shared heat of their bodies. Lise slumped against his chest and circled her arms at his waist, offering him a shy smile.</p><p>“I’ve never had bath sex before.”</p><p>He laughed, heartily at her enthusiasm.</p><p>"You’re beautiful, did I tell you that?"</p><p>She nodded with a sure smile, slowly easing herself up off of him, before stepping out of the bathtub. He watched water droplets trickle along the length of her body, and imagined tracing each and every path with his mouth.</p><p>Lise cast a long look over her shoulder at him.</p><p>“Breakfast?”</p><p>Apparently a different appetite needed satiating...</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Still not sure how I feel about this one but I REALLY hope you guys enjoy it and that it lives up to their LOVE.</p><p>Unfortunately, like most places right now, Covid is running rampant and we're officially in our "second wave". It's incredibly stressful knowing how susceptible my mom is to this virus with severe asthma and breathing issues so every time I leave the house and see someone without a mask on, I want to scream!! Anyways.. I hope you lot are staying safe!</p><p>Writing for this fandom is such an insanely cathartic distraction from the real world! I'm just sorry to have made anyone wait so long for this chapter.. I think we'll be wrapping things up with either the next chapter, or the one after that! As always, thanks for sticking with me.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Somewhere, Deep Down</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Things return to a new normal. For a little while, anyways...</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p2">
  <span class="u"> <em> <span class="s1">Three Months Later...</span> </em> </span>
</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Lise continued to heal from her injuries and eventually, after a few more rigorous weeks of physical therapy, she was cleared for duty. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Cardinal was more than pleased to have his partner back and with her return, Dyson finally allowed him to return to the field. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Everything seemed to be falling effortlessly into place. It was easy to forget just how quickly it could all fall apart...</span>
</p><hr/><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Despite Lise’s near perfect bill of health, she continued to stay at the Cardinal household. Occasionally, she would spend the odd night at her own apartment but found it felt quite cold and empty without John there. The next day, the two of them would show up to work, grumpy and tired, neither having slept well without the other. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">They hadn’t made a point of speaking in depth about their future together; about their living arrangements or what things might look like for them moving forwards. For the most part, they went day to day and it worked for them. </span>
</p><hr/><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Their latest case was the most dangerous they had caught since Scott Reilly’s. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Within a day of the first murder, the team found themselves wrapped up in a convoluted drug ring, operated by a well known gang with ties to various other cold cases from the past. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">The victim had undoubtedly been killed for snitching to the feds, begging for some kind of protection in return. It hadn’t worked out so well for him...</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">By the end of the week, John and Lise had zeroed in on one particular member and located his current place of business, operating out of an abandoned apartment complex. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">There were no signs of a drug operation at any of the other locations they had checked out, and at the moment, this one was their last resort...</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1"> The team cautiously approached the apartment, armed with vests and guns. Cardinal and Lise assumed their positions outside the door before kicking it in. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">The living room was empty, and they swept through the rest of the rooms. The two headed down the hallway to the bedroom where John entered with his gun raised, Lise at his back. After seeing nothing out of ordinary, he moved to check the bathroom and it was only then that Lise saw movement from the open closet behind him.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“<em>Gun</em>!” She yelled.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Without a second thought, she tackled her partner to the floor, behind the bed before he even had a chance to react. </span>
</p><p class="p2"><span class="s1">The man's shot rang out, the bullet passing the spot where Cardinal’s head had been only moments ago. </span> <span class="s1">The rest of the team heard the commotion and came running.</span></p><p class="p1">“<em>Let me see your hands!”</em></p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“<em>Drop the weapon!”</em></span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1"> <em>“On the ground!”</em> </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">The voices rang out as one, as uniforms barreled into the room, guns drawn.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">There were a tense few seconds where the man continued to point his gun at the officers. Lise and Cardinal had quickly untangled themselves, also now aiming their guns at the man. Sensing his defeat, he finally raised his hands in surrender. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Two officers were on him in an instant, kicking away the weapon and cuffing him as Cardinal and a shakier than usual Lise got to their feet.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Once the man was being led away, Cardinal turned to his partner. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“You okay?” he asked, panic in his eyes, he visually searched her for any sign of injury.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">"Yeah," she said, “You?”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah...”</span>
</p><p class="p2"><span class="s1">He looked back at the wall where the bullet was embedded. It was directly at eye level. </span> <span class="s1">Lise followed his gaze but didn’t say a word. </span> <span class="s1">When she finally did look up at him, he could have sworn he saw a shimmer of emotion swimming behind her dark irises. </span></p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">There was always the possibility for danger - <em>or worse</em> - when you were in their line of work and partners protected each other, would die for each other...</span>
</p><p class="p2"><span class="s1">Somewhere deep down in his mind, Cardinal had always known that if it came down to it, he would die to protect her, but now that it had happened the other way around, the full force of that reality hit him like a ton of bricks. </span><span class="s2">What if she had been shot?</span> <em><span class="s2">Again</span></em><span class="s1">? </span></p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">John wasn’t sure he would be able to go on, especially if he was the reason she lost her life.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Cardinal held her gaze and read in her eyes the same fear he was feeling. </span>
</p><p class="p2"><span class="s1">What happened wasn’t all that new; she had done it before and would do so again in a heartbeat. They had both saved each other many times in the past. But now that they were </span> <em> <span class="s2">together, </span></em><span class="s1">now that their feelings were real and out in the open, he realized that he was terrified. </span></p><p class="p2"><span class="s1">He had loved his wife but their love was never like </span> <span class="s2"><em>this</em>; </span><span class="s1">had never gone through such tumultuous scenarios, had never felt so... <em>at risk</em>. The idea of getting out of bed in the morning without his <em>partner</em> now suddenly seemed an impossible feat.</span></p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">The room had cleared around them and they found themselves standing in the empty bedroom, alone. Before realizing what he was doing, he inched closer to her, much more than professionally necessary.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“It's okay,” Cardinal husked softly, holding her gaze, though he wasn’t entirely sure who he was really trying to convince, her or himself.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">He wanted to hold much more of her too but knew better than to do so in the middle of a crime scene. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“It was close,” she whispered, her voice catching. “<em>John, you-“</em></span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">"<em>No</em>," he said firmly, shaking his head. They weren’t going down that road.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">They stood there a second longer, taking strength from one another and allowing their racing hearts and erratic breathing to calm somewhat.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“<em>Okay</em>,” she said matter-of-factly, snapping firmly back into detective mode. </span>
</p><p class="p1">The rest of the day felt... <em>strange</em> with so many words left unspoken, hanging heavily in the air between them. </p><hr/><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Lise awoke with a start. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">She sat up, gasping frantically for air, trying and failing to catch her bearings. It was dark and she was disoriented, covered in sweat, and completely confused. As her eyes adjusted, she quickly realized that she was in Cardinal’s bed and after squinting at the clock registered that it was just after three a.m.. She felt movement next to her and turned her head in time to see John sit up, groggily beside her. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">At the sight of him, the dream she had been having came flooding back and a giant sob suddenly wracked through her chest.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Cardinal was shocked. Lise Delorme did not often cry. Her emotions may have been running a bit higher than usual over the past few months but that made sense considering the many changes her life and body were forced to go through. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">He had never seen her cry like <em>this</em> though.</span>
</p><p class="p2"><span class="s1">“Lise?” he rasped apprehensively, laying a hand on her small shoulder, </span> “<span class="s1">What’s wrong?”</span></p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">She flinched at his touch.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“<em>You- I….”</em> she stammered, </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">It was only then that the heavy blanket of sleep began to lift, allowing Cardinal to fully grasp what was going on. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">He had suffered through his own fair share of night terrors with over twenty years on his belt as a homicide detective and of course, <em>many</em> after Catherine’s murder. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">He knew how terrifying and all-consuming they could be. His partner very clearly still had one foot in the dream realm.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Lise,” he said, using his finger to lift her chin, “Hey, it’s <em>okay</em>. It was a <em>dream</em>.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">She blinked her eyes in shock and two fat tears escaped, rolling heavily down her cheeks.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“You-?”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">He reached out to cradle her face in his hands. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Take a deep breath. <em>Look at me.”</em></span>
</p><p class="p2"><span class="s1">She hadn’t realized she was panting, sucking in air like her life depended on it. </span> <span class="s1">Her hands instantly shot up to cover his own and she gripped onto his fingers tightly. </span></p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“<em>It was so real.</em>” She said, choking back another sob.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“I know.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">He could tell it had been a bad one by the sheer terror in her eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Tell me what happened,” he pressed, “It’s easier if you talk about it.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“You...” She inhaled shakily and tried again. “We were in the forest. Scott... he- except <em>you</em> were the one who…”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">He heard her sharp intake of breath and ran his thumbs gently across her cheeks in encouragement, swiping at the damp trails her tears had left behind. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“I couldn’t get to you. I was too late,” she shook her head furiously, adding, “He killed you. It was my fault. It was my-“</span>
</p><p class="p2"><span class="s1">“<em>Hey, hey,”</em> he rasped softly. "<em>Lise, no</em>. Nothing’s your fault. It was a </span> <em><span class="s2">dream, </span></em><span class="s1">it wasn't real. Scott’s in prison.”</span></p><p class="p2"><span class="s1">“I know,” she said, “<em>I </em></span> <em> <span class="s2">know.”</span></em></p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">She was growing frustrated with herself for feeling the way she did.</span>
</p><p class="p2"><span class="s1"> “It was just so real. I saw you </span> <em><span class="s2">die</span></em><span class="s1">, John.”</span></p><p class="p2"><span class="s1">Her raw pain was causing him to recall his own memories of that night in the forest and how he had watched </span> <em><span class="s2">her</span></em> <span class="s1"> die. </span></p><p class="p2">
  <em> <span class="s1">But unfortunately, his hadn’t been a nightmare. </span> </em>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">He did the only thing he could think of and slipped his arms under her legs, pulling her into his lap, and up against his chest. She wrapped her arms around his neck and hung onto him like a life raft.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">He listened carefully to her breathing, heard it slow and finally felt her body begin to relax. After a few minutes, Cardinal eased them back down under the covers, pulling her with him. As he tucked the blankets around them, she hugged him tighter.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">He pressed a kiss to her warm cheek. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“It’s okay.” he reassured her, quietly, running his hands up and down her back. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">"Mm,"</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">She moved to roll off of him, but he held her in place and she stayed put with little fight, resting her head on his chest, easily sprawling out on top of him. He discreetly brushed his finger along the vein of her wrist and waited for her pulse to even out. With every breath, her body grew heavier against his and she slowly began to drift back to sleep.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">With Lise laying on top of him, Cardinal found it much easier than expected to relax. Her presence was always very comforting, but having her there, her small body in his arms, he felt like he could keep her safe, even in her dreams. He brushed a few damp curls from her face and breathed a sigh of relief. Feeling her chest rise and fall with his own was a constant reminder that she was still alive and it pushed down his own horrible memories of that night.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Once Cardinal was sure she was asleep, he allowed himself to drift mindlessly.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">He had spent nearly a year after Catherine’s death battling his own night terrors. Some nights too terrified to sleep he would do anything in his power to stay awake. John had no desire to see Lise experience the same thing. PTSD was a <em>bitch.</em> His still came back to haunt him occasionally, less so now with her at his side but the memory of them and the images... they would forever be ingrained in his memory. As a detective, he also had the occasional nightmare about certain cases, and as Lise’s career continued to flourish, he knew she would deal with her own fair share as time wore on. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Pushing those thoughts away, he focused on the woman lying across his chest, on the steady rise and fall of her breathing and the strong beat of her heart against his own. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">The echo of Scott’s gunfire rang out loudly in his reverie and suddenly the thought of a life without her was almost too much to bear. He felt his heart quicken with fear, his arms tighten protectively around her. Again, he focused on her breathing reminding himself that she was alive and well, that they had survived... but he still couldn’t shake the feeling that the next time they might not be so lucky...</span>
</p><p class="p2"><em> <span class="s2">You have to believe that you will find a way to be there for all of it, together</span> </em> <span class="s1">, he told himself. But believing in a happy ending was hard for Cardinal, practically impossible when he factored in his history... his losses. </span></p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">He knew, for Lise’s sake and his own, that this time, he had to at least <em>try</em> to have faith.</span>
</p><hr/><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“We need to talk, John.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Cardinal’s brow furrowed, confusion washing over his features.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">It was the end of a <em>very</em> long day and things were only just beginning to finally wind down around the precinct. Cardinal was looking forward to going home, sprawling out in bed with his partner and sleeping for the next twenty four hours. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">He hadn’t anticipated Dyson calling him into her office, minutes beforehand, with such a serious look on her face. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">After he closed the door behind them, she turned around to face him.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“You and Detective Delorme- <em>Lise</em>. Something’s <em>changed</em>.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Cardinal’s heartbeat stuttered at his partner’s name and so did his voice.</span>
</p><p class="p2"><span class="s1">“I’m... uh - </span> <span class="s1">I’m not sure I understand.” His eyes narrowed.</span></p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">”<em>John</em>,”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Noelle Dyson folded her hands on top of her desk and sighed, unsure how to broach such a sensitive subject with one of her most seasoned detectives. She’d never had to have this kind of conversation before in her history as a DS. Hyper aware of crossing any potentially problematic lines, Dyson proceeded with the utmost caution. </span>
</p><p class="p2"><span class="s1">“Your partnership with Lise... the two of you are the strongest pair we have. Your clearance rate is </span> <em><span class="s2">phenomenal</span></em> <span class="s1"> and I’m not the only one whose taken notice.”</span></p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“<em>But</em>?” he edged, sensing there was much more lurking behind the loaded praise. </span>
</p><p class="p2"><span class="s1">“I fear that those higher up, only just now taking notice, will eventually take notice of... other </span> <em><span class="s2">advancements </span></em> <span class="s1">as well.” </span></p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“<em>I’m sorry, w-“</em></span>
</p><p class="p2"><span class="s1">“John, I’m going to be frank with you.</span> <span class="s1">Since the shooting, something has changed between the two of you. Your dynamic has shifted. I’m wondering if there’ssomething going on between you and Detective Delorme? Something </span> <em> <span class="s2">personal, </span></em><span class="s1">outside of your working relationship that I should know about?”</span></p><p class="p2"><span class="s1">Cardinal could feel himself posture at the accusation despite it’s total legitimacy. But it was... his </span> <em><span class="s2">personal</span></em> <span class="s1"> life. His face flushed at the thought of Lise sitting in the very same chair being asked the same questions. </span></p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Lise is my <em>partner</em>.” </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <em> <span class="s2">Technically not a lie.</span> </em>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">”<em>John</em>...”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Where is this coming from?” </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">The agitation in his voice was palpable. Dyson mashed her lips together, not dignifying his question with an answer. </span>
</p><p class="p2"><span class="s2">”Noelle,” </span> <span class="s1">he countered, hoping the use of her first name might ease them into a less formal setting. </span></p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">The two had known each other a long time. Crossing paths here and there before finally ending up at the same precinct together. Her higher rank had never changed their amiable dynamic, Noelle never made him feel anything less than her equal but sitting there now, directly under her thumb, he felt that no longer to be true. </span>
</p><p class="p2"><span class="s1">“Lise and I... we’re not- we’re </span> <span class="s2">partners.” </span><span class="s1">He repeated, this time with more purpose.</span></p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Dyson nodded her head slowly, not the least bit convinced. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“If that’s what you’re telling me, then I’ll believe you.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">He moved to stand, more than ready to take his leave, but she cleared her throat, stopping him in his tracks.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“I know you love her, John.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">His gaze remained locked on his feet.</span>
</p><p class="p2"><span class="s1">“I’ve watched the two of you flourish from.. hesitant partners to a <em>strong</em> and <em>confidant</em> pair. You work </span> <span class="s2">well</span> <span class="s1">together. You’ve <em>learned</em> from one another. You’re a better detective because of her and vice versa.”</span></p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">She wasn’t wrong... Lise had not only made him a better detective, she had made him a better man. No longer rife with grief and regret, he was able to live his life in a way that made him more available to his daughter, to his work, to his personal life. Long gone were the days of lingering in empty diners after work, dreading the idea of being met by Catherine’s memory the moment he crossed the threshold. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">Lise had brought <em>joy</em> back into his life. Her very presence eased the tension in his limbs, made him smile more, gave him a reason to look forward to getting up in the morning again.</span>
</p><p class="p2"><span class="s2">He chose to lie to Dyson to protect their partnership, to protect not only Lise’s career, but her <em>reputation</em>. He</span> <span class="s2"> was quickly realizing it had been the wrong move. </span></p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">When Cardinal didn’t speak, Dyson continued, begrudgingly. </span>
</p><p class="p2"><span class="s1">“Let me ask you this, John... if your job puts you in a position where you are forced to choose between the life of your partner or that of a civilian, will your initial instincts be the </span> <span class="s2">proper</span> <span class="s1"> ones?”</span></p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">She already knew what his answer would be. He wouldn’t be standing there if she didn’t.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <em><span class="s1">His initial instinct would be that of a </span> <span class="s2">significant other. He would protect her before anyone else. How could he not? </span></em>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">He looked up at Dyson with a raw but clear understanding before dragging his hand roughly across his face and beard.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">He spoke in a weary but resound voice.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“I understand.”</span>
</p><hr/><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“What was that about?” Lise asked, leaning back in her chair, her curiosity getting the better of her.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Nothing. Just... papers I forgot to file.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"><span class="s1">“Detective <em>John Cardinal, </em></span> <span class="s2">forget to file paperwork? </span><span class="s1">That would be a first.” She said, her tone playful.</span></p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">He didn’t answer, didn’t even smirk. She watched his eyes slowly glaze over, as he disappeared, his mind drifting off to someplace far, far away.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">She frowned. <em>What had Dyson said to him to ignite such a strong reaction? </em>He had been fine all day - tired, of course, but they all were.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“I’m gonna take off early.” He mumbled, shrugging on his jacket. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">He was halfway out the door before she could utter another word. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Had to throw the angst in... you know I had to.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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